This is it, folks. The last Rocky movie. At this point, I don’t even care if it’s good or not. I just want the bell to get me out of here…
Rocky V messed me up, guys. It came so tantalizingly close to being a good movie. Then wham! It hits you with one of the dumbest climaxes I’ve yet seen in a film and throws it all away. By the time it was finally over, what good will I still held for the franchise was utterly stamped out.
Evidently, the rest of the world felt the same way. Rocky VI didn’t come out until 2006, a full sixteen years after Rocky V. Normally, sequels with gaps that wide typically spell disaster. But perhaps the time away will have given a the series a refreshing breath of fresh air?
At what point does optimism become insanity? I feel like I’m reaching that threshold. If I haven’t crossed it already.
The film begins with a new heavy weight boxing championship match. But the audiences are underwhelmed, angry even. The sport seems to be on a decline. The question on everyone’s mind: when will a worthy challenger appear and push the champ to his limits?
One series of establishing shots later, and we rejoin our leading man once again. He feeds the turtles, does some pull-ups, then goes to sit beside a grave beneath an old tree, the headstone reading: ‘Adrian Balboa.’ Paulie waits nearby, grumbling about the absence of Rocky’s son, before promising to join Rocky in something important later that night.
It sets a clear somber tone for the film going forward. This is not a story of a man down on his luck fighting his way to glory. It’s a tale of an old man grieving his wife, trying to figure out what to do with himself. An interesting direction to take. Let’s see if it pays off.
Heading into the city, Rocky catches his son on his way to work. But not before Robert gets scolded by his boss; whatever he’s doing (accounting, I’d guess), he doesn’t seem all that good at it. Despite Rock’s earnest attempts to talk to him, there’s a clear gap between father and son. Even all these years later, Robert feels trapped by his father’s shadow.
Then Rocky heads to the farmer’s market. He’s opened a restaurant in his retirement, named after his late wife. Here, he reminisces on his glory days with his customers. But it feels less like boasting and more like a lonely man just trying to keep company and entertain his guests.
They slid in a pretty neat little reference to the first movie here. Remember Spider, the boxer Rocky took down at the start of the beginning of the franchise? Rocky treats him to free meals. It’s a tiny detail, ultimately inconsequential, but fun.
When his son cancels their dinner plans, Rocky meets up with Paulie for a trip down memory lane. The two reminisce on old times, wandering through the places Rocky and Adrian shared together, punctuated by blue-toned flashbacks of their first date. It would be a somber scene, if not for the Adrian Force ghost on Rocky’s doorstep; I know I should feel sad, but that was so jarring I just had to laugh.
Paulie, on the other hand, isn’t feeling up to nostalgia. To him, revisiting those early years is painful, a bitter reminder of how poorly he used to treat his sister. So he leaves. It’s actually a decent scene that works well with this character.
Now on his own, Rocky returns to another familiar location from the first movie: the bar. Here, he runs into yet another familiar face. Remember the girl that Rocky took home, Marie; the one he’d told to stop smoking and make good friends? Well, now she’s working the bar. He even walks her home again.
It’s at this point I started to worry. First Spider, then Marie. Was this to be a fan-service movie? A desperate attempt to recapture people’s affections for the series roots? If it is, that’s yet another kiss of death. But we’re only twenty minutes in; let’s not drop the guillotine just yet.
Anxieties aside, I do kinda like this scene. A bunch of drunks try to mooch off of Rocky, then start hurling insults at him. When they mock him, he’s all cool and calm; but the moment they mock Marie, he gets out and puts the fear of God in ’em. Then later, after more reminiscing, he offers her and her son a free meal at his restaurant. Glad to see Rock never lost that golden heart of his. Even in the not-so-good movies, he’s still as lovable as ever.
He puts it surprisingly well in a later scene.
I don’t owe you nothin’. But why you gotta owe somethin’ to get somethin’?
Rocky Balboa
While all of this has been happening, we see the current boxing champ return to his old gym and catch up with his coach. It’s a sweet little scene, with some fun banter and genuine wisdom about self-respect.
Unfortunately, it paves the way for the dumbest part of the movie thus far.
A TV panel of boxing… people (I think they’re supposed to be experts, but I don’t know nor care) discuss who would win in a match: the current champ, Dixon, or Rocky? Dixon himself watches from home, while Robert watches from a bar; neither are happy with the show. Then… a computer program calculates who would win, poorly animates it in 3D, and… they… air it on television.
Did they just create an AI generated boxing match? Man, Rocky VI was way ahead of it’s time!
This stupid AI fight is apparently such a big deal that it sends ripples throughout the boxing community. It upsets Rocky so badly that he feels the need to get back into the ring. So he goes to Robert and Paulie to try and sort through his desires and emotions, ultimately breaking down in tears as he grapples with what he wants, what he thinks he wants, and what he needs. One powerful speech to one committee later, and Rocky Balboa is a licensed fighter once more.
Dixon’s managers smell blood in the water and money in the air. They want him to capitalize on the AI fight and take on Rocky for real. But Dixon isn’t having it. His managers, however, go behind his back and throw the gauntlet down at Rocky’s feet.
Oh yeah, then Paulie gets fired from the meat plant and goes on a tirade at the Adrian’s. It’s about as thrilling and meaningless as it sounds.
So, the match is on. Balboa VS Dixon. But for the press, it’s all one great big joke at Rocky’s expense. In a way, they mirror the audience, who may see this movie as a cheap cash grab.
Which it was. So… I guess the press is right.
For Robert, this whole mess is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. He confronts his father, begging him to reconsider, telling him that he’s only making things worse for Robert. Rocky, in turn, cuts the crap and gets right to the heart of the matter. Robert’s insecurities, his lack of self-value, are because of him, not Rocky. It’s a surprisingly powerful speech, made more so by one of Stallone’s best performances yet.
The next day, father and son reconvene once more. This time by Adrian’s grave. Not to argue, but to reconcile. Together, they aim to get him ready for the fight.
One training montage later, and it’s time for the match. But not before Marie gives him a portrait of Adrian and kisses him good luck.
Let’s just ignore the uncomfortable underlying aspects of said kiss and move on to the match.
We’re also ignoring the product placement. Of which there is a lot. They really wanted to get bang for their buck with this one, eh?
And… a Mike Tyson cameo? Okay. Sure. Why not?
So, how is the actual fight? The answer is: a mixed bag. For one, it’s presented as an actual sports program, cutaways and everything. As a result, we get all of three static shots for a good half the fight. They try to return to the Rocky fights of old after the second round, but the editing absolutely butchers it. The shots themselves are ugly, random shots from the previous films are spliced into the action that kill the pacing, the cuts are nonsensical, and they randomly apply monochrome filters in a sad attempt to look stylistic. It gives me Rocky V finale vibes, and if you read my article on that movie, you’ll know how I generally felt about that finale.
But we’re not done just yet. With the match done, Rocky goes to visit Adrian one last time. One last heartfelt farewell before the credits role. Finally, Rocky Balboa is content.
So that’s it. The last Rocky movie. How was it?
Well, the story itself ranged from boring to bad. The entire reason behind the match was quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, and this is the same series with Paulie’s robot wife! Robert’s plotline is boring and half-baked, Dixon isn’t all that interesting an antagonist, and the pacing is infuriatingly slow. I hesitate to call it the worst movie so far, but it’s definitely near the bottom of the list.
There is, however, one thing I really loved about this movie: Rocky himself. Sweet, wise old man Rocky is a great end point for this character. Some of his speeches, like his monologue to Robert, are genuinely powerful! Sylvester Stalone gave a rock solid performance here. It’s like finding a diamond in a coal mine!
I just wish he didn’t get in the god damn ring. It says a lot, I think, that the worst part of this boxing movie is everything to do with the boxing.
Luckily for me, Rocky’s time in the spotlight is finally at an end. For real this time. I mean it. Now it’s time for a brand new start with a brand new champion.
Six down. Three to go.
*Sigh* Ring the bell, ref. I’m ready.
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