Anon D. Jumper — #283: Spaceballs

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Origin Big Cheese You know this film needs to be made. You might have even gotten a few bit parts to sneak your friends in. Like oh, say a gangster or executive producer. You got the skills to keep this train wreck going… and no one’s gonna stop it as long as you’re around.

Race Pizza Person Since everyone seems about average at best, the racial selection options are disabled at this time. Wanna be a Mog? Sure go ahead! A Droid? Why Not? A Pizza Person? Not stopping you. Heck, be a Seven-gendered polymorphic miniature giant space hamster person! Not gonna stop you! Just remember that in lines of ability, everyone is roughly about human average.

Location Planet Druidia Yet another attempt at a royal wedding is being held within a few hours, as Princess Vespa is being married to Princess Va.. erm.. PRINCE Valium. (Sorry, it’s the hair.) Anyway, this peaceful place will get wrapped up in THE PLOT soon enough.

Age - 29

Perks

  1. Pretty Sweet Soundtrack (0) It isn’t much, but you now have a custom orchestral soundtrack that fits whatever your doing. Even allows members of the orchestra to appear in the background and perform drum riffs or such to emphasise your actions even further. You even get the music from the movie. 
  2. Basic Starship Piloting (-100) It seems everyone knows how to fly a starship in this universe. Don’t be the exception! With this you have enough generalized knowledge to fly any make and model of starship you might come across. 
  3. Fourth Wall Aware (-200) A lot of the bigger players in this world seem to realize something. This universe is a movie in the process of being filmed. You too can stare at the direction of a mysterious ‘camera’ for effect and to drive home a punchline. You might even be able to learn information you normally cannot access! It is almost as if you have access to an unseen script or something… be careful, this rough draft is not always reliable, but very good for a laugh or two when you start reciting someone else’s lines. At least the gist of the plot stays the same even if the methods change. 
  4. The Schwartz (-300) It has an up side and a down side. There are two sides to every schwartz. Also, The Schwartz gives various powers like telekinesis, shooting bolts of plasma, and making energy blades. Make sure not to get your schwartz twisted when fighting. Fixing that might require cooperation and a brief time out. Comes with a free ring with a custom design on it that may or may not have come from a Cracker Jack box.
  5. The Perfect Role (0) Got Friends? Need to have more people along with you? Now you can sneak in three of your companions to assist with whatever you need done. They won’t take up a slot this jump, but they also don’t get a stipend for perks. Companions you take along with this can’t be sneaked in again until after 3 more jumps. Mostly because Jump-chan will keep a better watch on you. Honestly, if you need this to get past the “rule of 8”, use it as a last resort. It only kicks in after you have 8 companions already tagging along. 
  6. Merchandising!!! (-100) Where the real money is made! You got enough business savvy to get cheap merch for your adventures and have it sell like hotcakes! Don’t ask where we got the manual labor for this. If you also buy Miscellaneous & Useless Junk, you can rebrand it as Jumper brand items and sell it for even more! 
  7. A Catchy Jingo (-200) Welcome to earworm marketing. You know how to get people to buy the junk you sell and keep coming back because they got some kind of memetic catch phrase stuck in their head to constantly think of your brand! This can also help with making various other ventures, like films and TV shows! More people hear the catchy jingo you have, the more they need your products. 
  8. The sacred and awesome presence of the Everlasting Know-It-All (-300) When everyone else is stumped… when ancient knowledge is lost… when trivia is so esoteric that none may know it… You know it. For you are now the next Everlasting Know-It-All. You can now think on any subject, and with enough meditation and reflecting, find an answer that will solve whatever problem you face. While you do not have the inherent power to solve that problem, you know how to solve it. This gives you a level of wisdom that few can fathom, let alone begin to understand. It also makes you unstoppable with brain buster games.
  9. Planetary Ruler (-600) You have one planet that you rule over. Think constitutional monarchy and you have an overruling vote along with diplomatic immunity. For the most part, you get the benefits of ruling a planet and its populace without all the day to day hassle that follows it. You also get a thriving stable economy, loyal diverse populace, a large stipend for personal spending and transportation to, from, and on this planet provided. Diplomatic Immunity follows with you, but if you do something rather against the rules of where you are, expect to be deported back to your planet. You can always visit this planet and it follows with you, but don’t expect it to advance beyond what you do for it. Anything you introduce will stay, but it won’t make advancements on its own. So introduce magic, and magic will flourish. Introduce advanced technology, and that will flourish. The two won’t combine unless you introduce magi-tech. Etc. See more in the Notes Section.
    1. Notes: None of the citizens are companions, nor can you take them with you. They got their own lives and their own dreams. Just think of them as background characters and extras that you don’t majorly interact with. Major disasters and such are more movie props and sets when danger arises. And don’t even think about trying to turn it into a private war machine. If you do, you’d get in trouble with the Actor’s Union and nothing will be able to save you from the legal and literal hell you’d suffer. It is a place for you to try to make a utopia. A little slice of the Spaceballs Universe to take with you, where everyone on the planet is, when push comes to shove, just an actor in the union. Visit, enjoy the space fantasy culture. Try savory space fantasy cuisine. This is just a place to relax. Also, enjoy some absurd random happenings on occasion… and expect to see Jump-Chan with a script that says Jumpchain: The Movie on it if you catch her off guard. She has a life outside of watching your antics, you know.

Items

  1. Miscellaneous & Useless Junk (-50) Spaceballs: the Cereal! Spaceballs: the Toilet paper! Spaceballs: The Sheet! Spaceballs: The Monogram Plate! Spaceballs: The T-Shirt! Spaceballs: The Action Figures! And more! We can’t get rid of this stuff! Seriously, just take it already! Don’t worry about running out, we made way too much of this stuff.
  2. One Million Spacebucks! (0) Moolah! Money! Time to make it rain!
  3. A brand new, white Mercedes, 2001 SEL Limited Edition (-100) Moon roof, all leather interior. You (or Daddy got it for you) at a good price from Prince Murray. May not be the fastest thing in the universe, but it is a luxury ship with lots of storage space in the back seat.

Companions A Friendly Mog (-100) This half man-half dog is his own best friend. And with the purchase, he gets discounts in the Drop-In tree with 400cp to spend on perks. Fortunately for you, he is also housebroken and a handy sidekick One Companion.

Drawbacks

  1. Universal Drawbacks
    1. Random-Chan (+200)
    2. Single-Shot (+100)
    3. And 8 Shall be the Number of the Chosen (Special)
    4. Start at the Beginning (+100)
    5. First Rule (+100)
    6. No Exit (+100)
    7. Humiliation Conga (+200)
    8. Nap Time for Jumper (+50)
    9. Soundtrack by Jumpchan (+100)
  2. I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate! (+100) There is pithy dialog… and then there is this random need to make the most idiotic, incomprehensible comments ever. The universe has now blessed you with the latter.
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