The Jeffrey Epstein-Noam Chomsky Emails
A beaver, a sex fiend, and a professor walk into MIT
From: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2015 9:15 AM
To: nchomsky@mit.edu
Subject: Linguistics
Dear Professor Chomsky —
We met a while back at an MIT Media Lab party, I was the fellow whose date you “mistakenly” thought was my daughter — so funny! I’ll bet you keep your classes rolling in the aisles.
Hate to admit I did not take a linguistics course in college(s), so was hoping I could pick your brain sometime. I’m just down Mass. Ave from you at Harvard, maybe we could have lunch in Kendall Square. I would of course pick up the tab and provide you with a small honorarium for your time, say $10 million? Let me know if that’s less than you normally charge.
Jeffrey Epstein
From: nchomsky@mit.edu
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2015 11:43 AM
To: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Subject: Re: Linguistics
Dear Mr. Epstein —
I received your email but if you have not completed Linguistics 101 you would not be eligible to enroll in my classes although you could audit them — I don’t know the procedure, call the MIT admissions office.
My normal speaking fee is $20,000 not including expenses. Are you asking me to give 500 speeches? Because I have some prior commitments on my calendar — articles for The Nation that pay in the high two figures, talk shows, op-eds on the death of capitalism, that sort of thing. MIT graduation I can get out of, also accepting honorary degrees from cow colleges.
Noam Chomsky
From: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2015 10:53 AM
To: nchomsky@mit.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Linguistics
Dear Professor Chomsky —
Thanks for your reply. I wasn’t thinking of any “heavy lifting,” just an informal chat over lunch, you me and two of my bodacious assistants. If you ever need a “Gal Friday” who has great organizational skills and a rack you could use for chin-ups, I have a wonderful young lady in mind.
The pre-requisite hurdle is unfortunate but nothing I can’t work out with MIT. Do you think $500,000 would be enough? And who do I make the check out to, the “bursar” — whatever that is — the comptroller — you? I would like to get some kind of receipt, like a building named after me or a transcript showing I graduated from there or something.
I think it’s neat how the MIT mascot is the beaver, “Nature’s Engineer.” When we get together I have a lot of cool beaver jokes.
Jeff
From: nchomsky@mit.edu
Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2015 1:25 PM
To: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Linguistics
Dear “Jeff” —
I will check with the MIT Development Office but I can’t promise you anything. As you may know buildings here aren’t named after anybody, they number them. This may be pleasing to non-geniuses on the faculty but I don’t think they’ve read my work on the number of words of a given length produced by unambiguous context-free grammars, which they don’t understand. But I’ll ask.
I have plenty of rack space in my office, thanks.
Noam Chomsky
From: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Sent: Friday, May 16, 2015 9:22 AM
To: nchomsky@mit.edu
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Linguistics
Dear Noam —
Sorry, I thought as a professor you’d be up on all the hip undergrad slang. The term “rack” refers to a woman’s breasts, not shelving. I was speaking “figuratively” and since you’re the world’s smartest language guy I figured you would “catch my drift.”
The woman I wanted to introduce you to is named Marci — she dots the i with a :), in case that’s of academic interest to you, kind of a “semiotics” thing. Maybe you could get a monograph out of it. She says she reading one of your books for a course but doesn’t “get it,” so was looking to spend some time with you to “bone up” for her final. Says she thinks you make something obvious — all languages are pretty much the same — impenetrable. You may have a tough time winning her over, but it will be worth it, my friend!
Do you like movies? Because I’m thisclose to Woody Allen and could maybe arrange a private screening. Don’t believe the bullfeathers you hear about him and young girls, he’s a terrific guy
Jeff
From: nchomsky@mit.edu
Sent: Saturday, May 17, 2015 8:02 AM
To: jepstein@sotrustco.biz
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Linguistics
Dear Jeff —
I would really like to meet Mr. Allen, big fan of his. Also Duane “The Rock” Johnson if you know him. A private screening would be good, with all the damn students in Cambridge you have to get in line early, save a seat by putting your jacket on it, then go to the concession stand to get popcorn, then hope nobody’s taken it when you get back.
The development office mentioned something about prostitution with teenaged girls but said you paid your debt to society so we should be all set.
Noam Chomsky
