Past imperfect
Manchester United Footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, 23, has broken up with girlfriend Nereida Gallardo, 24, reportedly being tired of seeing lurid newspaper headlines about the model and her past. Our talking heads here battle out the chastity issue that straddles one's past, and sometimes impinges on the present and future. We find out how much is too much for 29-year-old copywriter Gunjan Pai and 22-year-old Luv Kalla , producer in a television channel.
Gunjan
A person with a steamy past will never appeal to me. The past, present and future are not watertight compartments. When you are choosing the present and future for yourself, why choose a past which has the potential to seep into your present and mess it up? This is not to say that I would expect my partner to be a virgin but a casanova is definitely out for me! I would prefer a gentler, calmer, cooler, guy.
Luv
relationships that didn't work out and had sex on the way. All this will not be an issue for me. Also, the more experienced the person, the more fun they will be in bed. I would rather go for an experienced partner than land up with a shy girl!
Gunjan
I would rather build it up with my partner! I have met people at parties who go completely berserk and I don't know where they end up; but I stay away from that kind of crowd. I know people who have flings and night romps, but I am not that kind of a person.
Luv
There are always two segments. There are people who have been into relationships that didn't work out and they decide to just have fun and then there are people who make a moral issue out of it.
Gunjan
I think it's okay if a person has had a couple of flings when they were in the process of choosing a partner, but once you are in a committed relationship, you not only owe it to the person you are going around with, you also owe it to the relationship and to yourself to be clear about what you want in life and live by it.
Luv
It is very romantic and fairyland-ish to expect a person to stay committed, but if you see the practical side of it, all of us wander at times. So I don't think it is an issue if even after a relationship a person has a fling or two; it is human nature. You can ignore it and say it does not happen, but it happens with everyone; so I'm cool with it.
Gunjan
One question that comes to mind is, wandering but to what extent?!
Luv
The extent doesn't matter! It can be sexual, emotional, a one night stand, anything! Your boyfriend could be kissing a girl or be in bed with another girl; it's the same thing. Wandering is wandering.
Gunjan
For me, there are restrictions: looking at a person and chatting up another person is the limit of wandering. Kissing is not allowed, it would be quite the same as being in bed with another person. Physical commitment is necessary in a relationship. Apart from it, I also feel it just rakes up 20 million emotional issues, resulting in complications, probably even a break-up.
Luv
I guess where we differ right now is the guy and the girl angle. A guy's blood usually flows only in one direction! So when a guy is aroused, he doesn't think about the 20 million issues that will pop up later. The brain just stops working. And it's cool with me if my partner behaves the same way.
Gunjan
I agree that it is a gender issue to some extent, but I also think it's an age issue. You are in your early 20s and I am in my late 20s. By the time you are in your late 20s, you just don't want to get into that kind of hassle anymore. You just want to lead a peaceful life. By the time you are in your late 20s and early 30s, you are pacified in life.
Psychobabble
These days the age for getting into relationships is going down and teenage love affairs are not uncommon. This causes a lot of confusion about the issue of virginity, etc. In our culture, virginity is still considered fairly important, but how do you determine a man's virginity?
Also, we live in an age of equality where the same issues hold true for both the man and the woman. But the concept of a typical Indian bahurani is still very strong in the Indian male psyche. These confusions need to be dealt with and sorted out in a relationship.
Also, be careful about how much of your past you reveal to your partner. A person should be as honest as their partner can take it. Be careful if your partner is behaving in an over possessive manner; it can be a sign of paranoia and insecurity on their part. Refrain from giving out very intimate details about your past sex lives then, it is not required and not important.
— Anjali Chabria, Psychiatrist
 |
| Luv: The more experienced the person, the more fun they will be in bed. I would rather go for an experienced partner than land up with a shy girl! |
Gunjan
A person with a steamy past will never appeal to me. The past, present and future are not watertight compartments. When you are choosing the present and future for yourself, why choose a past which has the potential to seep into your present and mess it up? This is not to say that I would expect my partner to be a virgin but a casanova is definitely out for me! I would prefer a gentler, calmer, cooler, guy.
Luv
I think it is important how you define a 'steamy past'. A person could have had five
 |
| Gunjan: A casanova is definitely out for me! I would prefer a gentler, calmer, cooler, guy |
Gunjan
I would rather build it up with my partner! I have met people at parties who go completely berserk and I don't know where they end up; but I stay away from that kind of crowd. I know people who have flings and night romps, but I am not that kind of a person.
Luv
There are always two segments. There are people who have been into relationships that didn't work out and they decide to just have fun and then there are people who make a moral issue out of it.
Gunjan
I think it's okay if a person has had a couple of flings when they were in the process of choosing a partner, but once you are in a committed relationship, you not only owe it to the person you are going around with, you also owe it to the relationship and to yourself to be clear about what you want in life and live by it.
 |
| Luv: It is very romantic and fairyland-ish to expect a person to stay committed, but if you see the practical side of it, all of us wander at times |
Luv
It is very romantic and fairyland-ish to expect a person to stay committed, but if you see the practical side of it, all of us wander at times. So I don't think it is an issue if even after a relationship a person has a fling or two; it is human nature. You can ignore it and say it does not happen, but it happens with everyone; so I'm cool with it.
Gunjan
One question that comes to mind is, wandering but to what extent?!
Luv
The extent doesn't matter! It can be sexual, emotional, a one night stand, anything! Your boyfriend could be kissing a girl or be in bed with another girl; it's the same thing. Wandering is wandering.
Gunjan
For me, there are restrictions: looking at a person and chatting up another person is the limit of wandering. Kissing is not allowed, it would be quite the same as being in bed with another person. Physical commitment is necessary in a relationship. Apart from it, I also feel it just rakes up 20 million emotional issues, resulting in complications, probably even a break-up.
Luv
I guess where we differ right now is the guy and the girl angle. A guy's blood usually flows only in one direction! So when a guy is aroused, he doesn't think about the 20 million issues that will pop up later. The brain just stops working. And it's cool with me if my partner behaves the same way.
 |
| Cristiano Ronaldo with ex-girlfriend Nereida Gallardo |
I agree that it is a gender issue to some extent, but I also think it's an age issue. You are in your early 20s and I am in my late 20s. By the time you are in your late 20s, you just don't want to get into that kind of hassle anymore. You just want to lead a peaceful life. By the time you are in your late 20s and early 30s, you are pacified in life.
Psychobabble
These days the age for getting into relationships is going down and teenage love affairs are not uncommon. This causes a lot of confusion about the issue of virginity, etc. In our culture, virginity is still considered fairly important, but how do you determine a man's virginity?
Also, we live in an age of equality where the same issues hold true for both the man and the woman. But the concept of a typical Indian bahurani is still very strong in the Indian male psyche. These confusions need to be dealt with and sorted out in a relationship.
Also, be careful about how much of your past you reveal to your partner. A person should be as honest as their partner can take it. Be careful if your partner is behaving in an over possessive manner; it can be a sign of paranoia and insecurity on their part. Refrain from giving out very intimate details about your past sex lives then, it is not required and not important.
— Anjali Chabria, Psychiatrist
