I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out. Recently I went to Netflix and told them there were a few topics—some personal and some not so personal—I would like to examine for a documentary series, a kind of bridge to my upcoming talk show. First and foremost among these topics would be marriage. I'm single, so my question is: Why do people do it? Over the course of three months spent investigating, I've learned a lot. Here are my Dos & Don'ts:
DO enjoy being single. It's a huge opportunity to figure out your own interests (as opposed to the stuff you do because your partner enjoys it). Find out if you actually like to hike or read books or go to art openings. For the longest time I thought I hated baths because I had a boyfriend who insisted we take them together. (He wasn't gay, just British.) It turns out I do like taking baths—just alone, and with no accents.
And DON'T think something is wrong with you for being single. Taking a break between relationships is the healthiest thing a person can do, especially if you've dated a significant asshole or behaved like one. Think of it like an open stab wound. Let it heal before you run around naked with someone else.
DO make time for your girlfriends. The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. If you don't have any girlfriends, go out and rent one.
DON'T take Valentine's Day seriously. If you don't receive an engagement ring or whatever grand gesture you're hoping for on this very commercialized holiday, be a grown-up and get over it. Our idealism about Valentine's Day is, at the very least, embarrassing and a general reflection of some bad romantic comedy we saw starring Jennifer Love Hewitt Lopez (I combine the two because, well, frankly, they deserve it). The most romantic V-Day I had was when my boyfriend wrote me a book about every trip we'd been on. There were pictures of us, with love poems and prose about how much I'd changed his life. We broke up when I found out I wasn't the only person he was writing poems to. So: Beware of things that rhyme. They usually rhyme with more than one thing.
DO believe in good men. Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they're there. I believe it. You should too. Because now I'm with someone who makes me grow every day. His name is Netflix.
Chelsea Handler's four-part docuseries, Chelsea Does, premieres January 23 on Netflix.
