Good morning, Steven. Where are you?
Good morning to you, sir. I’m in Bucharest making a movie. I’m in the hotel waiting for meetings I have today, uh-huh.
Your new film, The Mercenary: Absolution (1), was filmed there. What appealed to you about playing sensitive mercenary John Alexander?
I’m always trying to find something a little bit different from what people have seen me do before. I wanted to play somebody kind of mysterious and on the edge, so you don’t really know if you like him or hate him until the middle of the movie (2).
Did you identify with his wish to “do one good thing before I die even if I die in the process of doing it”?
That’s all stuff that I wrote. I wrote that. I wrote those exact words.
And what’s on your personal bucket list?
There’s a ton of things I wanna do which is one of the reasons I became a police officer, so I can help people. I didn’t wanna become a police officer to be egotistical or push people around. I wanted to use that role to be a humble human being and to help people who were weak and defenceless, who had been robbed or raped or potentially killed. This is a way in which I can help others make the world a better place.
What have your duties entailed?
Practically everything. But the thing I like best is forming a team where we go after high-risk warrants, for people who are armed and dangerous. Murderers, bank robbers, rapists, kidnappers. Those are the guys I like to get.
Have you apprehended them?
Hundreds of them. Many, many hundreds. I don’t know how many hundreds.
Were you scared?
Heh-heh-heh. Listen. When you kick in a door and there’s a bunch of guys on your team and they’ve got guns and it says on the warrant “armed and dangerous” or “history of violence”, you’d have to be really stupid not to have some fear. Fear keeps you lucid. I don’t try to pretend I’m a superhuman person. I’m a human being.
A person watching your films might think you were superhuman though.
I don’t know about that. I’m just a simple country boy.
Sorry, the line broke up, you’re a simple what?
(Raising voice) A SIMPLE COUNTRY BOY.
What do movies get wrong about violence?
Films try to personify life in all its machinations. That means you’re gonna travel the bridge between the sacred and the profane. You’ll see great things, ugly things, vulgar things, the most base and violent and ugly distorted crap on Earth, (3) but you’ll also see some of the most wonderful and sacred things on Earth.
How do you feel about having made one of the few environmental action movies, On Deadly Ground? (4)
I’m a human being with ethics and morals and I’ve always tried to allow my martial arts to teach me humility and grace and I’ll always try to make the world a better place any way I can, and the environment is one of the things I’ve always cared a lot about.
Do you teach martial arts?
Of course I do.
Teacher, police officer, actor, musician … When do you find time for hobbies?
I don’t have hobbies. I just hone my skills.
Can you cook? You played a cook in the Under Siege films!
No, I’m not a good cook.
Can you microwave?
[Long pause] OK.
How did you enjoy playing in the UK with your blues band [Thunderbox] last year? (5)
The audience was spectacular. You can check it out.
Is there any overlap between the skill set needed for a blues musician and an action hero?
I don’t really … I’m sure there’s something in common with everything. But I don’t think that’s something one would naturally try to create as a match.
The reviewer for this paper wrote of your “powerful … unhurried detachment.” You sounded pretty laid back. Are you a calm person?
Hahahaha. Ah, usually.
What annoys you on set?
Unprofessionalism. That concerns me a great deal.
Are you still planning to go into politics?
You never know.
Is it true you want to run for governor of Arizona?
It was really a bunch of people who wanted me to run.
You don’t sound too enthusiastic.
No.
How did you feel about your friend Vladimir Putin proposing you as Russian envoy to the US?
OK. Forgive me if I sound discourteous but I really want to stick to the movie stuff because we’re getting a little too political now. Let’s just stick to music and movies. (6)
Oh, OK. Have the roles you’re getting changed as you’ve got older?
Not really.
I always wondered if you were surprised by what happened to your character in Executive Decision.
[Long sigh] What’s the question?
Didn’t you think it was odd your character died in the first third of the film?
Look, it was one of those few mercenary moments in my life where they’re paying a million dollars a day so I just said “OK.”
Who’s the world’s greatest action star?
I have no idea. Right now my favourite is Donnie Yen.
What is it about him?
He’s better than anybody else.
Footnotes
(1) In which Seagal shoots a coke-snorting Afghan terrorist at point-blank range at a sparsely-populated pool party, then spends the rest of the film trying to bring Vinnie Jones to book.
(2) Spoiler alert: I knew in the first five minutes.
(3) Perhaps he’s thinking of the opening scene in The Mercenary: Absolution, replayed repeatedly throughout the film, in which Jones beats and tortures a woman to death.
(4) In which Seagal played an ex-CIA explosives expert-turned environmentalist. Other characters in the Seagal oeuvre are available.
(5) Including a night at The Robin 2, the Midlands’ premier 700-capacity live venue.
(6) A pity, since I was hoping to ask him about his claim that Putin is “one of the greatest world leaders” or his defence of Putin’s actions in Ukraine or his protection of him in the face of overenthusiastic schoolchildren. Failing that, I was hoping for some tips about good Moscow hang-outs that I could visit with my boyfriend.
The Mercenary: Absolution is released in the UK on 18 May.
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