Ah the Copa América ... more high kicks than a performance of Riverdance, more rolling around on the ground than a pig in muck and more flowing locks than a Van Halen concert.
It has been a largely subdued tournament but tonight the fireworks should begin as hosts Argentina meet World Cup semi-finalists Uruguay in Sante Fe with a semi-final against Peru - who shocked Colombia earlier tonight - on Tuesday on offer for the winners.
There's no time for messing about, that's not the way the Copa América rolls. Kick off is just a few minutes away so here are the two teams.
Argentina: Romero; Zabaleta, Burdisso, Gabriel Milito, Zanetti; Gago, Mascherano; Aguero, Messi, Di Maria; Higuain
Subs: Carrizo, Garay, Cambiasso, Tevez, Pareja, Biglia, Rojo, Pastore, Banega, Lavezzi, Milito, Andujar
Uruguay: Muslera; M. Pereira, Lugano, Victorino, Caceres; Gonzalez, Perez, Arevalo, A. Pereira; Forlan, Suarez
Subs: Godin, Coates, Gargano, Rodriguez, Eguren, Castillo, Abreu, Lodeiro, Hernandez, Scotti, Cavani, Silva
1 min: A whopping South American peep of the whistle and we're underway with Uruguay, in white shirts and black shorts, kicking off playing from right to left. Argentina, in navy blue, are playing the other way, as tradition dictates.
1 min: First half-chance goes to Argentina as Sergio Aguero breaks free on the left before cutting the ball back to Higuain at the edge of the area. The Real Madrid striker takes a touch but his shot is charged down and Muslera in the Uruguay goal can gather easily.
2 min: The first yellow card has taken two minutes and it's a deserved yellow for Perez who went in with two-feet on Mascherano. It actually could have been red, but I suppose in South American terms it was a playground challenge. I mean, he didn't even kick him in the face.
Goal!!!!!!!!!!!! Argentina 0-1 Uruguay (Perez, 5) An unbelievable start for Uruguay and it's Perez, booked a moment ago, who scrambled tihe ball over the line after Romero spilled a Caceres header from Forlan's swirling free kick. What a start.
8 min: A second yellow card of the game and it goes to Zabaleta for a late challenge on Caceres. I don't now what price it is for there to be a red card in this game but get your money on it now.
10 min: Argentina are settling a bit now and knocking the ball about in midfield. Angel Di Maria picks it up and goes on a mazy run before being sent flying through the air by a perfectly timed Diego Lugano tackle. I can't quite explain why but Diego Lugano may well be the world's coolest footballer. If he had a Steve Foster-style headband it would clinch it.
13 min: Some desperate defending by Uruguay as Higuain attempted to acrobatically hook a Lionel Messi free kick goalwards. Caceres got in to knock the ball away in the nick of time. Aguero, who has started really brightly, goes on another lightening dart into the Uruguay area but he takes one touch too many and runs out of space and Muslera is able to pluck his cross out of the air at the second attempt.
Goal!!!!! Argentina 1-1 Uruguay (Higuain, 18) Argentina have their equaliser but it's far too cheap a goal to give away from Uruguay's point of view. Caceres was caught out of position after Forlan lost the ball in the Argentina half. Messi picked it up in acres of space on the right, cut inside and clipped a teasing cross to the unmarked Higuain who glanced past Muslera.
21 min: "I wonder if that unhappy River Plate supporter is watching this match?" asks William Marzouk. "Will his wife will be giving him his medication again?" You mean this man. he may have calmed down a bit after the equaliser. He reminds me of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld.
24 min: Moments after the Argentina equaliserUruguay lost their centre back Victorino to injury and he was replaced by Andres Scotti.
24 min: Aguero has been the brightest player on the field so far and Argentina have been much the better side but there are clearly frailties defending set-pieces. Uruguay haven't been able to get in an advanced enough position in the last 10 minutes to cause them any problems.
27 min: Great run from Messi who skipped past Scotti on the right but the substitute did well to scramble back and knock the Barcelona man off the ball.
29 min: Messi is really beginning to look in the mood now. he goes on two mazy runs in quick succession, the second of which is abruptly halted by Arevalo who is already on a yellow and has to be careful.
30 min: Disallowed goal for Argentina. From that free kick Messi swung the ball into the area and Higuain stooped to head home in a similar manner to the equaliser but the flag was up, and the replays show it was the correct decision.
32 min: Two more yellow cards - one for Caceres and the other for Gonzalez for a high-kick on Gabriel Milito. I did promise you high-kicks. "Re your photo caption," says Gary Naylor. "It's not the time and place that's the problem for Messi, it's the shirt." He's looking pretty good in this shirt. Maybe it's the blue and white stripes he doesn't like?
34 min: A free kick to Uruguay in a very similar position to the goal and again it causes havoc in the Argentina area. Caceres's header comes back of the crossbar. Lugano's follow-up shot is blocked before the whistle blows for an offside against Suarez. The ball is then swept into the net but the game had already been called to a halt. I don't think Suarez was interfering with play. The goal should have stood.
37 min: Speaking of Suarez, here's an email from Ian Copestake: "Being, as Jamie Reknapp might say, literally a one-eyed Liverpool supporter, I find my greatest worry is whether Suarez gets knobbled by a reducer leaving him unable to face Sunderland once this glorified pre-season tournament is out of the way."
38 min: Red card for Uruguay's Diego Perez That's the most inevitable sentence of the night. Argentina had struggled to deal with another Forlan free kick. Eventually Higuain tried to run it clear on the edge of his own area only to be bodychecked by Perez and the referee reached straight for the yellow card and Uruguay are down to 10-men. I did tell you to get your money on it.
40 min: You would have to say Perez packed a lot into the 38 minutes he was on the field - he scored the goal, got booked, gave away two or three more free kicks and then got sent off. Living life to the max.
42 min: Another free kick to Uruguay - this time from the right flank - and again it's unconvincing defending from Argentina. It took a desperate Gabriel Milito clearance behind for a corner to stop Scotti from putting Uruguay back in the lead.
43 min: The resulting corner is cleared but only as far as Forlan who lofts it back into the area where Lugano leaps over Milito and loops a header off the crossbar with Romero beaten. Since going down to 10-men it's been all Uruguay.
45 min: Two minutes of stoppage time.
Half time: The whistle goes at the end of a crazy and quite brilliant first half. In short, Uruguay are down to 10-men, have been on the back-foot a lot of the time, but could easily be ahead.
Interval email: Ian Copestake really does just have one thing on his mind. "On the plus side, at least with Maxi Rodriquez not featuring for Argentina he will be fresh for Liverpool's title charge."
More emails ... "As a Culé, all I can say is that Pipita and Angelito owe us some goals," writes Cecilia Marjakangas. "Uruguay are playing very dirty, and I'll be extremely disappointed if they win. Who does Forlan look like? I'd been racking my brains with it, and finally got it. Glenn Close." Glenn Close also takes a mean inswinging free kick.
Excuses Diego Perez can make for being sent off No1 ... 'I am a werewolf.' There's a full moon in Sante Fe tonight. We're just about ready for the second half.
46 min: Peeep!!! We're underway in the second half and Ian Copestake is back: "One-eyed is as one-eyed does. But I was joking about Maxi otherwise I would be rather worried about myself." I'm a little worries about you Ian. Plus I think Maxi is in Asia on Liverpool's mission to sell merchandise pre-season tour.
47 min: Another Forlan free kick but this time it's a Glenn Close-esque delievry and Argentina boot the ball clear. Phil Wheeler has emailed to say: "For me Forlan is football's Michael Bolton." Unfortunately you're both wrong. He's Sally Gunnell.
49 min: A non-Liverpool email for Ian Copestake. Hurrah! "So you are saying Perez got himself sent off so he could go and get changed?" he asks. Not exactly. It's more that he he went a bit mental. It's a shame he couldn't stay on the pitch. If we've learned one thing from Teen Wolf and, to a lesser extent, Teen Wolf it's that sporting performance can only be improved by turning into a werewolf.
51 min: So far the second half has been the calm after the storm. Or at least it was until Javier Mascherano picked up a yellow card for a late challenge before Caceres and Lugano combine to take out Angel Di Maria. "I think Messi has been the best Argentine player in every international match he has featured in in the last two years," says Emmanuel from Lagos. "But if Argentina ends up losing this match, most people would blame Messi - that he is rubbish for his national team."
53 min: A beautiful turn from Forlan about 40 yards from goal. he tries to stab it through to his strike partner Suarez but there's too many Argentinean defenders in the way and in the end the ball rebounds through to Romero. Suarez has been quiet tonight although he's been quite isolated for most of the game.
56 min: "The calf before the storm?" asks Cormac O'Malley picking up on an earlier typo I have since corrected. "Is that similar to the ewe of a storm?" It's very similar, but with more hair. Angel Di Maria shoots from distance but it was always rising and sails over the crossbar.
58 min: "Diego Forlan is Sarah Jessica Parker," says Hollywood star James Woods, who should probably know having met all these people we're comparing the Uruguayan to. Apart from Sally Gunnell of course.
60 min: Argentina move through the gears now as Messi picks up the ball and dances his way towards the Uruguay goal. He picks out Sergio Aguero with a crossfield ball but there's is nobody there to get on the end of the Atletico Madrid man's fired cross and eventually Zabaleta blasts over the bar from the right hand side.
62 min: Messi cuts in from the right and fires a low shot which Muslera does well to hold. "Yes, I saw Maxi there also, selling shirts," writes Ian Copestake. "I rather walked in on myself as I realised I was paying far too much attention to pre-season games one can now see live whereas in days of yore the results would be typed in small print a day later in the back of the Daily Mail."
64 min: Argentina are very poor defensively. First Suarez was allowed to wander to the byline but the Liverpool man wasn't able to pick out a cross. Then Burdisso made a mess of a headed clearance but Pereira wasn't able to get a shot on goal.
66 min: The game is opening up now as Pereira crosses from the left but it's far too close to Romero. Argentina counter through Messi who flicks it wide to Di Maria but his cross hits Lugano which takes the pace off it and Muslera is able to gather.
68 min: "Re: Emmanuel's mail," writes Cecilia Marjakangas. "Sensible people won't blame Messi but Checho Batista. It's just populist tabloids and passionate Tevez fans who'd blame Leo. As the best player (not just for Argentina, but also for Barcelona, and the team Earth against the Aliens in a top, top, top, top match) since Maradona, he's expected to carry the team singlehandedly, but obviously he can't, with no real system around him. Checho is clueless. El Diego had a system and a team that worked for him. Nonetheless, Argentina are giving their all. Hope it's enough."
69 min: Ian Copestake is back:" "Going back to my favoured theme, if I may, I think Suarez is quiet because he is missing Kuyt."
70 min: Bad news for Copestake. Gabriel Milito tries to hook the ball away and catches the Liverpool man who collapses to the ground in agony before hopping to his feet and trotting into the area. yellow card for Milito. Forlan to take the free kick ... but the delivery is poor and it's headed clear by the 109-year-old Javier Zanetti.
72 min: A change for Argentina as Angel Di maria comes off and Javier Pastore is on. Yellow card for the hapless Burdisso for a tug on Suarez's shirt right on the edge of the area. This is dangerous ...
73 min: ... but Forlan's free kick crashes into the wall before Arevalo fires the rebound miles over the top of Romero's goal.
75 min: "Mr. Fanning, have we reached the 50% threshold for numbers of players with yellow cards?" asks the wonderfully polite Holly Masturzo in Florida. "Perhaps related...Is it just me or does this second half lack the urgency of of an elimination match? I assume the players recall that the score line is still tied." We're nowhere near the 50% mark, Holly, but you're right. The game is a bit flat which suits Uruguay a lot more than Argentina.
77 min: That's much better from Argentina and again it's Messi and Higuain who link up. Messi clipped a deft pass into the Real Madrid man who took one touch, spun and fired a left-footed shot which Muslera was able to deflect over the top.
79 min: Uruguay should be ahead. Forlan was put through one-on-one with Romera by Suarez. he was stretching and tried to stab it past the onrushing keeper but couldn't get enough height in it and the ball the ball crashed off Romero and away to safety.
81 min: "At this point, I'd even take the risk of introducing Tevez," says Cecilia Marjakangas. "He's a menace but I think he'd score a goal from sheer frustration of being on the bench, and from thinking of the two restaurants." Since when did Tevez become a risk?
82 min: "Evan, you made my heart jump (and not in a good way)," says Ian Copestake. "If anything happens to my new Torres then I will hold you responsible, rather than blaming Messi."
83 min: Alex Hanton has a well thought-out point: "I hate to disappoint but Cecilia Marjakangas' proposes Earth vs Aliens match would require us to a) make contact with aliens. b) find some that have something approaching feet and c) teach them to play football. By which point Messi will have been dead for so long that he is known only as the God of a small Catalan religious cult who may once have played golf or something. I mean we cant even get the Americans interested." Don't be too disappointed Cecilia - Tevez is on in place of Sergio Aguero.
84 min: Nice football from Uruguay who string together a series of passes before Forlan wins a corner off Zabaleta on the left. Forlan takes it himself and Lugano rises but can't keep his header down and it flies over the crossbar.
86 min: Red card for Javier Mascherano. Who would have seen that coming? In truth it's very harsh - Mascherano bundled over Suarez on the halfway line but it was a clumsy challenge rather than anything sinister. The Paraguayan ref doesn't see it that way and shows him a second yellow.
88 min: Messi is tripped by Arevalo. It's a far worse challenge that Mascherano's but he escapes yellow somehow.
89 min: Two brilliant saves from Muslera - the first with his leg from Tevez's deflected quickly. The Uruguay keeper springs to his feet and makes himself big to block Higuain's follow up effort. Great goalkeeping and Uruguay are still alive.
90 min: Two minutes of stoppage time.
90 + 2 min: What a chance for Uruguay with what would have been the last kick of the game. Suarez skinned Milito right on the byline. He tried to pick out Forlan in the middle but the cross was too heavy and Forlan could only head over the top.
Full time: Extra time it is.
ET 1 min: We're underway again. 10 v 10. "This is an amazing match," says Simon Coburn. "This is what football is supposed to be. Football has been sterilised of any spark in Europe, Mourinho-esque tactics have destroyed the game. The referee is amazing, tackles are flying, Suarez is so cunning. WHAT A MATCH!!!!"
ET 2 min: "That was a really unfair decision," says Cecilia Marjakangas of the second red card. "Mascherano should not have been sent off. And the defense is dreadful without him. C'mon, Argentina, win this for your captain."
ET 3 min: A harsh yellow card for Gago for clipping Forlan's heel in the centre circle. From that free kick Zabaleta stretches to head clear but only nods it to Pereira who shoots across goal. It's always rising, and was possibly further away than it looked on camera, but it's a pretty decent effort nonetheless.
ET 5 min: Uruguay have started extra-time quite brightly, which is more than can be said for Fernando Gago who has now limped off to be replaced by Lucas Biglia.
ET 7 min: Suarez goes down on the edge of the area but the free kick is given against the Liverpool man who is not pleased. Some comments on the Twitter. First from Cormac who responds to the rather predicable sendings off: "Other inevitable sentences.. Messi goes on a mazy run, Suarez tries to con the ref, Lugano joins cast of new Pirates film..."
ET 10 min: Pastore tries his luck controlling on his thigh before hitting a dipping volley but doesn't dip enough. More on Twitter this time from Sam Robinson on the spray paint can the referee carries with him to mark where the wall must stand at a free kick: "The vanishing line that the wall has to retreat to is probably the most commonsensical thing in South American football." Yes, yes it is. Spray paint for everyone.
ET 12 min: Arevalo bundles over Messi but again escapes a yellow card. Messi's inswinging free kick evades everyone and Muslera gratefully drops his body onto the ball. "Is your live coverage accompanied by a trumpet being played in the background?" asks Ian Copestake. "Wouldn't be the same without one."
ET 13 min: Great chance for Argentina as Higuain is slipped in on the left by Zanetti. He shoots first time and it comes back off the post and rebounds to safety via Muslera's back. Pastore then first over from just outside the box.
Half time in extra time.
ET 16 min: We're underway in the second half and Uruguay go straight onto the attack as Forlan tries to curl into the top corner from the edge of the box. Romero is able to watch it drift by his post. "Where on earth (or on his person) does a ref keep the spray can?" asks Ian Copestake. "Are the refs running round wearing a tool belt like the hilarious star of Home Improvement?" I don't know where they keep it but I imagine the mere possession of such a subversive item as a spray can goes against a referee's natural sense of order.
ET 17 min: "This has been incredible," writes Joseph Sexton. "One of the best games I've seen all year; in years even. Tired bodies out there... fresh legs could tip the balance." I think we're headed for penalties.
ET 17 min: Another good save from Muslera as the ball popped to Messi on the edge of the box. He drove the ball low across goal but the impressive Uruguayan keeper got down and stopped the ball.
ET 19 min: A double change for Uruguay - Walter Gargano and Sebastian Eguren come on for Arevalo and Alvaro Pereira.
ET 21 min: Great chance for Higuain but the Real Madrid man is pushed wide and his shot takes a deflection and crashes into the side-netting. "Don't think it's an exaggeration to say this is one of the best games I've ever seen," say neil Clough. "It will be sad to see it end in a pedestrian penalty shootout."
ET 21 min: Another save from Muslera who beats away a drive from Pastore. "Judging by some of the foul play going on I think the ref may need to grab himself a can of mace," says Ian Copestake who is here all week.
ET 26 min: "This might be one of the best games I've never seen," says Ian Copestake. I told you he was here all week. Argentina look the most likely to win it now. As I type that Messi goes on a trademark run through the Uruguay defence. Just when you think he';s going to fire it into the net a challenge comes in from Gonzalez and Uruguay survive.
ET 27 min: Carlos Tevez is booked for trying to win a free kick of Lugano. Ian Copestake again: "I'm here far longer than that, Evan. Far longer." Great.
ET 29 min: "The trumpet certainly adds to the atmosphere, but starting to get a bit annoying at 10:30 on a Sunday morning in Sydney," says Jonas. At least it's not that God-awful band at England games.
Full time: Hold onto your hats, we're going to penalties.
Rash prediction time ... my money is on Uruguay. I think they're more ruthless than Argentina.
Simon Coburn's prediction is in: "Uruguay to win, Muslera to be the hero, Pastore to miss."
Advice for Ian Copestake advice "Not sure if this has been pointed out already, but you could tell Ian Copestake that the game is being streamed live on youtube," says Joshua Davis. "I was going to mention something earlier, but, you know"
Penalty update Argentina to take the first penalty. It's Lionel Messi.
Goal! Argentina 1-0 Uruguay After an seemingly eternal wait Messi sends Muslera the wrong way.
Goal! Argentina 1-1 Uruguay Forlan waits for the keeper to move and blasts straight down the middle.
Goal! Argentina 2-1 UruguayBurdisso finds the corner with an excellent penalty. Muslera went the right way but couldn't reach it.
Goal! Argentina 2-2 UruguayAgain the keeper goes the right way but Suaraz's penalty is tucked into the left hand corner.
Miss! Argentina 2-2 Uruguay Carlos Tevez goes for power but Muslera gets across to his right to beat the ball away.
Goal! Argentina 2-3 Uruguay Scotti sends Romero the wrong way and Uruguay have the advantage.
Goal! Argentina 3-3 Uruguay Somehow Pastore score. Muslera got to the ball but it squirmed under him and rebounded into the net.
Goal! Argentina 3-4 Uruguay Great penalty by Gurgano tucked into the left-hand corner. If Argentina miss this they are out.
Goal! Argentina 4-4 Uruguay Higuain scores. Just. It hit the bar, bounced on the line, hit the bar again and went in.
Goal! Argentina 4-5 Uruguay Caceres scores. Uruguay are in the semi final!!!!
Post-match thoughts: What a victory for Uruguay and they will face Peru in the semi final on Tuesday. Argentina really have only themselves to blame. They really should have taken advantage of the extra man while they had but Uruguay and Muslera deserve huge credit for hanging in and remaining an attacking threat even with 10-men. They were utterly ruthless in the shootout. That's it from my. Thanks for all your emails. Now go to bed.