Pablo Zabaleta of Argentina challenges Arjen Robben during the World Cup semi-final. Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images
Pablo Zabaleta of Argentina challenges Arjen Robben during the World Cup semi-final. Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images
FULL TIME: Holland 0-0 Argentina (Argentina win 4-2 on penalties)
Cillessen probably should have kept that Maxi penalty out. But he doesn't have a strong enough hand, and the ball crashed off the underside of the crossbar and into the net. He still hasn't saved one in his professional career. Messi runs around in delirium, Mascherano is in floods of tears, Sabella doesn't appear to believe he's led a team to a World Cup final (stop it, be nice), Kuyt, Robben and Sneijder look pensive, and Van Gaal goes around doing the polite thing, shaking hands. Commiserations to the Dutch, but they didn't really turn up tonight, and were very poor. Argentina were pretty damn bad tonight too, but they've squeaked through to the final. They'll play Germany in the Maracana on Sunday in a repeat of the 1986 and 1990 editions. Another thriller like '86, please! Final word to Jim Morrish: "Pope Benedict vs Pope Francis: it's ON!!!!"
Holland 2-4 Argentina: MAXI RODRIGUEZ SCORES, AND ARGENTINA ARE IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1990!!! He batters a shot just to the left, which Cillessen gets a hand to. But the ball angles up and into the roof of the net!
Argentina celebrate victory in the shoot-out. Photograph: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images Photograph: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images
Holland 1-2 Argentina: SNEIJDER MISSES! Or, more accurately, Romero saves. Sneijder hits a decent enough one high to the left. Not quite in the corner, though, and the keeper turns it away brilliantly!
Holland 0-1 Argentina: MESSI SCORES! A narrowing of the eyes, and the little genius clips a fine kick into the middle-left, sending a flapping Cillessen the wrong way.
Holland 0-0 Argentina: VLAAR MISSES! He hits it low and not very hard to the right. It's nowhere near the corner, and Romero parries. Advantage Argentina!
Ron Vlaar's penalty is saved. Photograph: MICHAEL DALDER/REUTERS Photograph: MICHAEL DALDER/REUTERS
It was inevitable. Let's be honest, we knew after about 15 minutes. This will go to penalty kicks. Jasper Cillessen, let it be noted, has never saved one in his career. Now would be some time to break his duck.
ET 30 min: AND NOW A HALF-CHANCE FOR HOLLAND! Janmaat in space down the right. He whips a ball into the centre. Kuyt tries to smash a first-time sidefoot goalwards from the penalty spot, but doesn't connect properly, and Garay blocks anyway. Why couldn't the rest of the match have been like this?
ET 29 min: Robben in some space down the left, but he's stopped by a fine sliding challenge from Mascherano. "I can't tell whether this is correct praise for an underrated player or definitive proof of just how bad Argentina have been, but this game has made Ron Vlaar look like prime Jaap Stam," writes Thomas Jenkins. "It's probably the latter, isn't it?"
ET 27 min: AND ANOTHER!!! Messi has done the square root of bugger all this evening, but the cream always rises. He bursts down the right wing, showing Vlaar a clean pair of heels. Upon reaching the byline, he stands one up at the far post, where Maxi Rodriguez is racing in. But no repeat of his 2006 Mexican antics: he scuffs the volley, and Cillessen gathers a ball sailing serenely towards the top corner.
ET 25 min: A CHANCE!!! Maxi Rodriguez scoops a pass down the inside-left channel. Palacio is free, on the edge of the area! He waits for the ball to drop, lets it bounce, and tries to nudge it over Cillessen when it rises again, but he can't get enough on his header, and the keeper plucks it from the air with a yawn.
ET 23 min: Two teams going nowhere in a quiet stadium. "I can't help but notice that the Google Doodle in honour of this game shows Dutch and Argentine aliens who are completely unaware of the rudiments of football," reports Philip N Gross. "Is the all-knowing search engine hinting at a sinister explanation for this dire display?"
ET 20 min: Mascherano looks to break upfield quickly. He attempts a one-two with Messi, who clanks a woeful short pass miles away from his team-mate. He's been dreadful tonight. Still time, still time. Mind you, many more passes like that, and there may not be, for De Vrij picks up the loose ball, strides forward, and batters a shot from distance wide right of goal. Ambitious, but then nothing else has worked for either team this evening.
ET 18 min: In the middle of the field, Zabaleta is clattered, accidentally, by Kuyt as the two contest a high ball. Kuyt's shoulder crumps right into the full back's coupon, who then falls awkwardly on his back. A long period of treatment, as poor Zabaleta gets his mouth fixed up.
Zabaleta's patched up mouth. Photograph: PEDRO UGARTE/AFP/Getty Images Photograph: PEDRO UGARTE/AFP/Getty Images
ET 16 min: Cillessen drops a shoulder to diddle Aguero on the edge of his own box. He's been the most skilful footballer this evening! That it's come to this at a World Cup semi.
Cillessen punches the set piece clear with ease. But Argentina are quickly back at Holland, Palacio bombing down the right. He whips a fine cross into the middle for Aguero, but Vlaar intercepts and guides out for a corner. It's cleared by De Vrij, and that's that for the first half of extra time.
ET 15 min: Huntelaar is booked for lunging into the back of Mascherano, who was making off down the inside-right channel. There'll be one added minute, enough time for Argentina to load the box and Messi to deliver from nearly 40 yards out.
ET 13 min: Holland are probing again, showing much more intent. Robben looks to bust clear down the left, but he's checked by Zabaleta. The referee waves play on. Robben waves his arms around a lot. "Still, we have an average goal tally of four in the semis of the World Cup," tots Thomas Krantz. "Not too bad right?"
ET 11 min: Maxi Rodriguez comes on for Lavezzi. This match could do with a carbon copy of his extra-time stunner against Mexico in 2006, but the way things have gone tonight for these two teams, we may as well ask him to lasso the moon.
ET 9 min: Robben cuts in from the right, takes a touch past Biglia, and launches a dipper towards the bottom right. Romero gets his body behind it and gathers.
ET 6 min: Robben shows a bit of rare ambition, his toes twinkling down the right, diddling Demichelis and winning a corner. The set piece is easily mopped up by Argentina.
ET 5 min: Kuyt plays a clever ball down the left. Van Persie doesn't have the energy to chase it. He's immediately hooked, Huntelaar coming on. Stand down, Tim Krul!
And we're off again! No changes, though Huntelaar is being prepared for a possible final Dutch substitution. Holland get the ball rolling, and knock it around the back awhile.
90 min +3: Janmaat is in acres down the right, and looks for Wijnaldum in the middle with a low cross. But the ball inside is inaccurate, and the full back's offside anyway.
90 min +1: SOME EXCITEMENT!!!!!! AFTER 91 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!! The Dutch suddenly spring into life! Robben is set clear into the Argentinian area down the inside-left channel by a deft Sneijder backflick. He's got the chance to shoot, but Mascherano slides in just as a place in the final looms for Holland. Corner. Cleared.
Robben's last-ditch chance is snuffed out by Mascherano. Photograph: PAULO WHITAKER/REUTERS Photograph: PAULO WHITAKER/REUTERS
89 min: In the last two minutes, first Mascherano and then Demichelis have attempted to power forward on a Beckenbaueresque mission. Given how this match has panned out, you can fill in the rest yourself.
87 min: Messi slides a ball down the inside-right channel for Aguero, who is free in the area just to the right of goal. He looks to feed Palacio to his left, when a shot would have been the better option. Holland clear.
86 min: Kuyt sprays a ball down the left to release Robben into a little space. Demichelis slides in to concede a corner. Rojo heads the set piece clear. Clasie screws a dismal shot miles wide right from nearly 30 yards.
85 min: Nerves have got the better of these two teams. That's been the case for the first 84 minutes of the game, and nobody wants to risk anything now. "The non-football historian in me can't help but point out: the Dutch anthem is called Wilhelmus," writes Sebastian Merz. "It's as silly to talk about German or Dutch blood today as it was back then, but it may be worth pointing out that William the Silent, the great Dutch national hero was the prince of Nassau, which has been part of the different 'Germanies' for most of the last millennium."
84 min: Rojo has a pop from 25 yards down the inside-left channel. Cillessen gathers without fuss. He looks to bowl the ball upfield for a quick break, but a faux-innocent Aguero gets in the way. The ref blows for a free kick, but doesn't book the saucy bugger.
82 min: After a ludicrous wait, Aguero and Palacio come on for Higuain and Perez. Holland take their throw. Robben whips a cross straight down the throat of Romero.
80 min: Blind hoicks a ball into the Argentinian box from the left. A bit of panic as Robben nearly latches onto it amid defensive confusion. Rojo slaps it out of play on the left. There'll be a throw-in soon, but Argentina are about to make a double change.
77 min: A free kick to Holland down the left. Sneijder Kuyts it out of play to the right of goal, on the full. You'd need to be 12 feet tall, with a good spring, to get a header on that. This is piss-poor.
76 min: That Dutch move appears to have shaken Argentina out of their lethargy. Perez loops a fast pass into the Holland area from the right. Higuain, at full stretch, attempts to guide a volley into the top right. The crowd roar in celebration, but the ball's billowed the side netting. It's not gone in. The nearest Argentina have come for a while.
Higuain rattles the side-netting. Photograph: FABRIZIO BENSCH/REUTERS Photograph: FABRIZIO BENSCH/REUTERS
75 min: This is a bit better by Holland. Janmaat is released down the right by a clever reverse pass from Sneijder. The resulting cross is whipped to the near post, where van Persie, his back to goal, attempts to Mark Hughes a bicycle kick into the net. The ball flies wide, and he's offside anyway. But it's something.
72 min: Vlaar takes out Higuain's knees with his shoulder. What a clumsy oaf. Free kick for Argentina, down near the right-hand corner flag. Messi hoofs it straight out of play to the left of goal, like a Sunday hacker.
69 min: Janmaat is down getting a little bit of treatment after clattering his mug into the back of Rojo's head. He'll be OK, by the looks of it, writes Dr Murray, resident MBM quack, who probably should be struck off, this is no sort of prognosis.
67 min: Holland lump a couple of high balls into the Argentinian area. They're mopped up easily enough. "Sabella looks like Kurtwood Smith doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression," writes Kári Tulinius, using the sort of cultural references the internet kids can't get enough of. They're lapping them up. "I'm watching this game in a bar full of people, but it's not like I risk missing much while typing this email."
65 min: The rain is tipping down in São Paulo. "I have no idea what Wayne Charlton is talking about," writes Philip Reed. "I've lived in many parts of the US, and the word Dutch in isolation almost always means Netherlandic. However, the historical idea of Dutch to mean German lives on in the phrase Pennsylvania Dutch, and no doubt in other terms."
63 min: Biglia is currently down receiving treatment, having knocked knees with Janmaat as the two slid across the turf to challenge for a loose ball. He might have irritated the wrist he's got bandaged up, too. Good news for Argentina: he gets up, and will be back on in a sec.
60 min: Kuyt, out on the left, swings a ball into the Argentinian area, looking for Wijnaldum, who is coming in from the other wing. Nope. Romero claims with ease.
58 min: Lavezzi twists and turns down the right, then stands one up into the middle for Higuain. But Janmaat comes across to cover just as the striker looks to power a header goalwards from ten yards. Better, though that's not saying much. "Louis van Gaal looks like Steve Bruce crossed with Donald Trump. PS: I watch football alone." Simon Farnaby there, suffering what sounds like a long, slow, lingering, stupid death.
56 min: Janmaat looks for Robben down the right, but his pass is clumpish and flies out for a goal kick. This is a pretty poor match, but not every semi-final can be earth-shudderingly epochal, I guess.
Netherlands' Daryl Janmaat, left, collides with Argentina's Lucas Biglia in a game heavy on tackles and poor on quality. Photograph: Frank Augstein/AP Photograph: Frank Augstein/AP
54 min: Robben has a little space down the middle. He makes with purpose towards the Argentinian box, but is spooked by Demichelis, who stands firm on the edge of the area, and as Robben hesitates, Biglia tracks back to nip the ball away.
52 min: This is scrappy rubbish right now. Messi and Higuain are both caught miles offside as Biglia attempts to find a pass that'll get Argentina moving forward. Germany are looking every inch the world champions in waiting right now.
50 min: Sneijder wafts a harmless free kick over the bar. Hopeless. Argentina go down the other end, Biglia rolling a pass down the middle for Messi, who for a second appears to have broken clear, but he's offside, and in any case Cillessen was out of his area and first to the ball.
49 min: Demichelis is quite rightly booked for obstructing Robben as the Dutch attacker looks to turn the defender down the inside-left channel. This'll be a free kick in a dangerous area: Sneijder Country.
48 min: Wijnaldum on a very positive run down the right. His cross is deep. It finds Kuyt, who controls but can't get a shot away or find a team-mate. A scrappy start to the half. Meanwhile here's Wayne Charlton, coming late to the party with a little more Holland-related style pedantry: "References to Dutch here in the USA are not necessarily to those originally from the Netherlands but usually the Germans - Dutch being a bastardization of Deutsch ('German' in German). Yet in the Wilemhuis - the national anthem of the Netherlands - it sings about Wilhem being of Duitse bloed which in modern Dutch translates to 'German blood' but really at the time meant of Dutch blood (Duytsen) - which maybe the origin of Dutch and help a bit with your quandry. Bloody confusing country eh? Still, hup Holland."
46 min: De Vrij bodychecks Perez, who was looking to break down the left. A wee bit lucky to escape a booking for sheer cynicism there. "As a Liverpool supporter this is painful to say," begins Mark Wainwright in an email with the heading 'Managers who enhance their reputation by not going to the World Cup', "but Mourinho dropped Casillas, unloaded Luiz for a fortune and doesn’t rate Oscar, all of whom have had disastrous performances in Brazil. He might even be as smart as he thinks he is." It's a worrying thought, isn't it.
Holland get the ball rolling again, having replaced the consistently clumsy Martins Indi with Janmaat. "Looks like Robin van Persie’s stomach-bug medication has been having exactly the effect listed on the bottle: affects timing of runs." Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Charles Antaki, he's here all week, try the Imodium.
Half-time advertisement: Nobody's fault, but nearly four weeks have passed, and those ball-juggling ITV stings for Santander are getting pretty irritating now. They don't do World Cups bank ads like they used to.
Messi slides a pass down the left for Rojo, who overhits a cross into the box meant for Higuain. And that's it for the first half. Could be quite a bit better, this. Say what you like about much-maligned Brazil, but they certainly know how to put on a first-half show.
45 min: Messi skips along a baroque route down the right. He's dragged back by Martins Indi, who is booked for persistent fouling. Messi swings the resulting set piece into the box. It's claimed easily by Cillessen.
42 min: It's gone a bit scrappy, this. Misdirected passes, heavy touches, late clips on the ankle. Robben, Sneijder and Messi surround the referee to moan about some minor infringement or other.
Argentina's Martin Demichelis cuts out a rare threat in the first half. Photograph: Victor R. Caivano/AP Photograph: Victor R. Caivano/AP
39 min: Demichelis takes a wild hack at Sneijder. Not sure whether he meant it, but the Dutch midfielder felt that. He's off the field getting some attention, clutching his thigh. Meanwhile Martins Indi obstructs Messi down the right. It's a free kick. The ball's swung into the middle towards Messi, but Kuyt - a one-man Total Football XI - is there to intercept and clear.
37 min: Lavezzi is sprung clear down the right. He reaches the byline and pulls a low cross into the centre. Martins Indi manages to get in the way of Higuain. "A number of Guardian writers used to call Carlos Tevez the rich man's Dirk Kuyt," recalls John Kim, "but look at him now, it's 2014, and only one of them is starting in the semi-finals of the World Cup."
34 min: That free kick apart, Messi has been fairly quiet. He's caught offside down the right, and fiddles sheepishly with his socks. "Kuyt's penalty against Costa Rica was great," writes Zach Neeley. "No staring down or stutter stepping around, just run up and kick it hard, essential Dirk-ness."
32 min: A corner for Holland down the left. Romero punches it clear, but it's soon coming back at Argentina. Sneijder swings a ball in from the left. Van Persie flicks on a header towards Blind, ten yards out and contesting with Demichelis, but the offside flag goes up. A borderline decision, that. Argentina didn't look particularly comfortable there.
29 min: Both of these teams are already five goals better off than Brazil were at this point last night. Then again, they're both five goals worse off than Germany. It's the old half-filled glass question, isn't it.
28 min: Mascherano clashes heads with Wijnaldum. It's entirely innocent. Mascherano takes a couple of steps, then, totally dazed, falls face-forward to the floor. He's caught by a concerned Wijnaldum and eased to the floor. After a couple of minutes' worth of treatment, he's up and about again. He looked out of it for a while there, but the magic sponge seems to have done the trick. For now, anyway.
Georginio Wijnaldum and Javier Mascherano clash heads. Photograph: RICARDO MORAES/REUTERS Photograph: RICARDO MORAES/REUTERS
Javier Mascherano receives medical treatment. Photograph: TOLGA BOZOGLU/EPA Photograph: TOLGA BOZOGLU/EPA
25 min: Yep, Cillessen's confidence hasn't been damaged much by that business against Costa Rica. The ball at his feet on the edge of the box, he drops a shoulder to sell Higuain an outrageous dummy, then sweeps clear. His cheek injects Holland with an instant healthy arrogance, and De Jong, down the left, rakes a diagonal ball downfield and very nearly releases van Persie. That wasn't a million miles away from an ersatz recreation of the famous Dennis Bergkamp goal, in terms of field position of the two players, anyway. But van Persie can't take the ball down, and it's a goal kick.
23 min: Argentina are gaining the upper hand. Lavezzi makes good down the right and zips past Blind with ease. His cross is poor, but Perez is soon causing bother along the other flank. He wins a corner, which Lavezzi takes. Garay meets it, six yards out, and sends a header over. He gets a boot on the noggin for his trouble, Vlaar the culprit, but it's accidental as the pair battled for the ball. It is a World Cup semi-final, after all.
21 min: Martins Indi sticks out a leg to deny Lavezzi crossing from the right. Corner. Lavezzi takes this time, and this one's through the air. As with his free kick earlier, van Persie heads it clear. "For it to be a truly quintessential hat trick of Dirkness, the ball should have travelled for a total combined distance of three-and-a-half yards and gone in off first his shin, then the back of his head with the final one cannoning in off his arse," suggests MBM regular Phil Sawyer, who is if memory serves is a Liverpool fan; there's a lot of affection on show here.
19 min: Space for Zabaleta down the right. He lumps a cross towards the near post, looking for Perez, but De Vrij gets ahead of the Argentinian to hoick the ball out for a corner. Messi sends in a weird bouncing bomb along the deck, and it nearly catches Holland by surprise, but Martins Indi hacks clear.
17 min: Sneijder looks like he's in the mood, too. From the centre circle, he sprays a delicious ball to the right wing for Kuyt. Shame that wasn't Robben, for a player with pace would have been clear on goal. But the ball's asking too much of Po' Dirk. "I actually quite like the new German change strip," opines David Wall, "but if Argentina are their opponents in the final, and get to wear their home shirt with black shorts, I hope that Germany wheel out a bottle-green number, just for old times' sake." That would indeed be lovely. Five goals minimum in the final, too, for that total 1980s vibe. Or a couple of meltdowns and a few red cards, I'd not be fussy.
15 min: ... fizzes a low shot through the left-hand side of the wall, looking for the bottom left corner. Cillessen is behind it all the way, gathering with safe hands. It doesn't look like the Ajax goalkeeper's much affected by the Krul shenanigans against Costa Rica.
Messi strikes low and hard but the keeper saves it. Photograph: SRDJAN SUKI/EPA Photograph: SRDJAN SUKI/EPA
14 min: This could be danger for Holland. Higuain plays a clever reverse ball down the right to release Perez into space. Perez is hacked down by Vlaar, clumsily rather than maliciously, 25 yards out, just to the right of goal. This is Messi Country. Argentina's genius steps up, and ...
Argentina's midfielder Enzo Perez goes down and is awarded a free-kick on the edge of the area. Photograph: FABRIZIO BENSCH/AFP/Getty Images Photograph: FABRIZIO BENSCH/AFP/Getty Images
13 min: A half-arsed clearance for Mascherano, who robs Robben down the Dutch right but gifts the ball to Sneijder, 25 yards out down the inside-right channel. Sneijder looks for the top left. It's never going in, but a decent effort nonetheless.
11 min: A free kick for Argentina down the left. Lavezzi whips it into the Dutch box from 25 yards out. Demichelis looks to meet it with his head, but van Persie gets there first. "It's been a World Cup of surprises," writes Ray Boland. "Given the result in the other semi, the stage is set for a big game player like Dirk Kuyt to march to the top of the Golden Boot ranks. Two perfect hat tricks would do nicely." Only if it's scored from a total combined distance of three-and-a-half yards, for quintessential Dirkness.
9 min: Higuain and Messi take turns to run at pace down the inside-right channel. They're both in top sashaying form, it would seem. Holland get the job done, crowding them out, but for a second they were being pressed back towards their own area without an answer. Blind and De Vrij went about their business briskly and eventually the danger's cleared. A nice open feel to this match.
6 min: Robben has an exploratory run down the left channel, but Mascherano is on his case. Then he looks sprightly down the other wing, chasing after a long ball and breaking free into the area. But he's offside. An early scare for Argentina, though, who were sleeping a little at the back there.
4 min: Argentina enjoying most of the ball early doors. Perez had an early run at the Dutch defence but was crowded out soon enough. "Am I the only person worried that Germany or Argentina could end up keeping the Victory trophy if they win this?" shivers Paulo Padilha, "or are Fifa no longer doing that win-it-three-times-and-its-yours thing? Part of me is excited at the prospect of that kind of history being made, but then I think about what sort of monstrosity Sepp Blatter would commission to replace it and hope Holland win this just so the old man can't ruin yet another aspect of the World Cup." You'll be pleased to hear that Fifa have got rid of the keep-it-after-three-wins rule, which saw Brazil make off with the Jules Rimet Trophy in 1970 only for the thing to get stolen and melted down 13 years later. But there are only four more spaces left to engrave the names of winning teams on the underside of the new one, which means Fifa may well need another new trophy for 2030. Blatter will be a sprightly 94 years old by then, so if you think his judgement's gone now, it'll be very interesting to see what modernist masterpiece he commissions when the task finally needs sorting. What's that? You don't think a nonagenarian Blatter will still be in charge of Fifa come 2030? Oh my sweet, sweet innocent children.
Netherlands' midfielder Nigel de Jong tussles with Argentina's forward and captain Lionel Messi. Photograph: FRANCOIS XAVIER MARIT/AFP/Getty Images Photograph: FRANCOIS XAVIER MARIT/AFP/Getty Images
2 min: Now it's Argentina's turn to knock it around a bit. Everyone desirous of an early touch. An awful lot of whistling. Brazilians, I'll be bound. They had plenty of practice last etc., and so on, and so forth.
1 min: Holland ping it around the back a bit. The crowd give it plenty of olés as they do so. Brazilians, I'll be bound. They had plenty of practice last night, I suppose. "Now if someone will just tell Germany to wear black shorts in the final, I think we're good," writes Halli Cauthery.
And we're off! A hell of an atmosphere in the Arena de Sao Paulo. Argentina aren't just wearing black shorts, by the way, they're wearing black armbands too, in memory of the great Alfredo di Stefano, who sadly died on Monday. A round of respectful applause. And Argentina get the ball rolling.
The players observe a minute's silence. Photograph: FRANCOIS XAVIER MARIT/AFP/Getty Images Photograph: FRANCOIS XAVIER MARIT/AFP/Getty Images
The teams are out! A beautiful, crisp, clean, classical aesthetic to this match. Dutch oranje and Argentinian abiceleste. And rather wonderfully, both teams have reverted to traditional trousers! Argentina are wearing their black strides, while Holland are in white shorts! Magnificent! It's the small things, they always add up. These people look good. The greatest association football event of all, ladies and gentlemen, distilled into its purest form. Tincture of World Cup. Parfum de la coupe du monde. And then it's time for the anthems, both of which are gloriously proud and pompous, as all good anthems should be. A-one, a-two, a-one two three ...
Team news: Robin Van Persie starts for Holland, despite those rumoured stomach problems, while Nigel de Jong, who strained his groin muscle in the second round against Mexico, returns to replace striker Memphis Depay. Argentina meanwhile make two expected changes: Enzo Perez comes in to replace the injured Angel Di Maria while Marcos Rojo takes the place of Jose Basanta.
According to the Guardian style guide, Holland "should not be used to mean the Netherlands (of which it is a region), with the exception of the Dutch football team, who are conventionally known as Holland". So there you have it. Hup Holland Hup it is.
Rob Rensenbrink. No man has come closer to World Cup immortality only to miss out. There he is, 15 seconds into injury time of the 1978 final between Holland and Argentina, the scores level, skittering down the inside-left channel after Ruud Krol's long, one-bounce free kick. The ball's at his feet. He's stolen a march on Jorge Olguin, and is tearing towards the left-hand corner of the six-yard box. Argentina goalkeeper Ubaldo Fillol comes off his line to close the angle, but he's always going to be too late. Rensenbrink sticks out a long left leg, and prods the ball past Fillol. It's heading towards the empty net! It's Holland's World Cup, surely!
Poor Rob Rensenbrink! Photograph: VI-Images/VI-Images via Getty Images
But of course it's not. The ball clanks off the middle of the left-hand post, in super slow-motion technicolor, Rene Houseman hacks clear, and 51 seconds later, the referee blows the final whistle. Mario Kempes and Daniel Bertoni secure the only possible result after all that - a win for Argentina - during extra time. Poor Rensenbrink. And poor Holland. No country has come so close to touching the World Cup without actually getting their hands on it.
Poor Holland! Photograph: Getty Images
They're one of four countries, along with Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Sweden, to have reached a World Cup final without ever winning the trophy at some point. Given that near miss of 1978, it's unnecessarily cruel that they're also the ultimate World Cup bridesmaids, the only country to have fallen at the final hurdle three times. (Czechoslovakia and Hungary have both lost twice in the final, for the record.) But this is where we all are. And this is, perhaps, the reason Holland have bounced back from the crushing disappointment of losing the 2010 final to the brink of reaching a second in succession. A desperate need to get this monkey off their back may be proving as big a factor in their 2014 campaign as the assorted brilliant performances of Arjen Robben, Robin van Persie, Louis van Gaal and Tim Krul.
Johan Cruyff bossing it against Argentina in 1974, though much good it did him in the long run. Photograph: STF/AFP/Getty Images
Argentina have a few things to prove themselves, of course. The 1993 Copa America, their last major title, casts a shadow as long as the one thrown by Diego Maradona is wide, the wee genius having of course powered them to the 1986 World Cup and the final four years later. But this is Argentina's first semi since that 1990 run; it's been way too long for a country with such a proud footballing tradition. In Lionel Messi they may have found an ersatz Maradona for a new generation; two more big contributions from him, and a place in the World Cup pantheon is his. An exit today, however, and a question mark will remain over his legacy for ever more, which may not necessarily be fair, but that's just the way things are.
Diego Maradona, proving that everything has been done before, by saving a shot on the line against the USSR at the 1990 World Cup, 20 years before anybody in Ghana had heard of Luis Suarez. And he got away with it! You have to love Diego. Photograph: Bob Thomas/Bob Thomas/Getty Images
Plenty riding on this summit meeting, then. And Holland will be buoyed by the fact they've had the better of tonight's opponents in World Cup meetings outside of Argentina. In 1974, in torrential rain, Johan Cryuff masterminded a 4-0 victory in the second group phase, scoring twice and setting up another. Then in the 1998 quarter finals, Argentina were Bergkamped, the Dutch putting on a performance so refined that you could make a case for Patrick Kluivert's opener - Ronald de Boer's sashay, Dennis Bergkamp's cushioned header, Kluivert's gentle dink - being as good, and possibly even better, as the famous winner. The teams also shared a goalless group draw in 2006. Holland are in credit overall, though it's Argentina who won the one that really mattered.
Patrick Kluivert against Argentina in 1998. This wasn't his goal celebration. Photograph: Popperfoto/Popperfoto/Getty Images
This is as finely balanced as they come, then. Both teams would be desperate to make the final under any circumstances, of course they would. But it doesn't half matter that Argentina now have a real chance to do what their fiercest rivals never will, and win the World Cup in Brazil, while Holland, should they pay Argentina back for 1978, would love the chance to banish the demons of 1974 too, against Germany on Sunday.
That hullabaloo in Belo Horizonte last night knocked the earth clean off its axis, but the space-time continuum appears to have remained in one piece, just about, and so kick off is at: 5pm at the Arena de São Paulo, 5pm in Buenos Aires, 10pm in Amsterdam, 9pm in London.
