A damp squib in more ways than one, as England leave for the World Cup goalless, after a match delayed by an electrical storm
The best images from Miami
So England go to Brazil having failed to put a goal past ten-man Honduras. But the 40-minute break in the first half knocked this game off kilter early on. And had Daniel Sturridge been in any semblance of form, they'd have won this game by a goal or two. But this is it. Off down to Rio, then. Not Reno, dummy, Rio. Rio de Janeiro.
90 min +3: Figueroa tries to beat Forster from midway inside his own half! That's taken sauce to a new level.
90 min +1: There will be four added minutes. In the first, Martinez comes on for Forster-baiter Izaguirre.
90 min: Wilshere, gadding around in the left-hand portion of the Honduran box, nearly slips a ball inside for Lallana, but Valladares is out to smother. England so nearly robbed a victory there.
89 min: Wilshere gives the ball away in the centre circle. Izaguirre strides forward into acres of space, then tries to beat Forster from nearly 40 yards! The keeper gathers with, one suspects, a frown. These two are team-mates at Celtic! A little respect, please, at least! I'd like to hear the conversation when the pair shake hands at the end.
88 min: Cahill thinks about having a whack from distance. We've come to that. Here we are.
87 min: Garcia comes on for Espinoza. This game's been a disjointed mess. I suppose the surreal interruption to the first half was always destined to jigger it.
85 min: Wilshere's not looked himself for a long while now. All those injuries. But he's been pretty lively this afternoon/evening/night, and nearly breaks through down the inside left, a Gazzaesque slalom. But he's crowded out. Marks again for effort, though, which is all England's players have really earned in this game.
83 min: Carlos Alberto Henderson is replaced by Lampard. "All I want is the England manager to agree exactly with me," insists Ethan Dean-Richards (72 min), one step away from telling the bartender, via the medium of swing, to give him a big pour for the road. "If that's considered unrealistic, it's political correctness gone mad."
80 min: Barkley, in the centre, 25 yards out, rolls an insouciant pass to his right for Henderson, who has a pelt at goal. The ball flies over the crossbar. That's a very, very, very, very, very ersatz version of Pele and Carlos Alberto's wee combination late in the 1970 final.
79 min: Lambert replaces Welbeck.
78 min: Baines is booked for standing on Wilson Palacios's left toe. On the touchline, Roy Hodgson has the heat on. He loves bearing his teeth when the wildness descends, doesn't he? I wouldn't get in his road, put it that way. He felt a little frost around the gums when Sturridge missed that chance, too. I suspect, in the England debrief, the Liverpool striker will be getting telt.
75 min: A change apiece. Jerry Palacios comes on for Bengtson, who was clattered by Henderson. And England let Fraser Forster get a little game time, Hart making way.
73 min: Johnson whips a high ball into the area from the right. Sturridge connects with a header, six yards out, right in the middle. He should score, he really should, but whistles his effort over. That's a dismal miss. He's not had much of a match tonight.
72 min: Not much going on right now. But it's getting late back in Blighty, and as the witching hour approaches, folks are beginning to tell it like it is, the way they see it. Here's Gary Naylor: "In all sports, England are too keen on what a player has done wrong in the past and not what he might do in the future," opines Gary Naylor. "Ross Barkley has no ceiling on what he could achieve at the World Cup - but he might concede possession too. He must get more game time than John Barnes got in Mexico." And now here's Ethan Dean-Richards: "Hodgson keeps substituting Gerrard and Rooney first and England go on to play much quicker football. It's so frustrating, because it feels like we're so close to a manager knowing a decent, rational team to put out, but he can't make himself go all the way with it and start with that team. Surely the mythical 'experience' is useless if you can't run - or in Rooney's case, control the ball?" I'm just happy I'm not the only one who's tired and emotional.
70 min: Cahill is booked for a thunderously clumsy clatter into the back of Bengtson. This, you'll recall, is a friendly.
68 min: Henderson slides a glorious ball down the inside-left channel for Lallana, who has his back to goal as he meets the pass on the edge of the Honduran box. He attempts a drag-back and spin, with a view to turning Figueroa and getting a shot away, all in one smooth movement. But he falls over after about 90 degrees of the motion. I'm making it sound more clumsy than it actually was. Nearly a very smooth turn.
65 min: RED CARD! Beckeles receives a second yellow for slapping his arm into the face of Baines, as the two challenge for a ball down the England left. That should probably have been a straight red, but it makes no odds. That's his game over. Honduras have been acting up since the enforced break in the first half, and that's been coming.
62 min: Lallana is booked for nearly planting his studs in Espinoza's chest, but failing to make contact. The referee deems it dangerous play, and that's fair enough. From the resulting free kick, Bernardez sends a rising pearler just wide right of goal from 25 yards down the inside left. A fine effort.
61 min: A change for Honduras, and an interesting one, as Chavez goes off for the promising Anderlecht winger Najar.
58 min: A Barkley-inspired melee on the edge of the Honduran area. He's in the mood today. The ball breaks loose. Welbeck pounces, and hammers a first-time slapshot goalwards. It pings off the chest of Valladares. A decent shot, a decent save. Good play all round.
56 min: Wilshere, launching a quick England break, rakes a pass down the inside left for the onrushing Barkley. The Everton youngster looks to prod the ball around Izaguirre. He'd be clear in the area, but the Honduran full back has timed his tackle to perfection, and robs Barkley. That's a fine break by Wilshere and Barkley, but an even better defensive block by the Honduran.
54 min: Sturridge attempts to recreate the goal he scored for Liverpool against West Bromwich Albion last season. Not quite. It drifts wide right of the target from his position to the left of the D. Marks for ambition. He's not quite been on his game tonight, Sturridge, having missed England's best opportunity.
52 min: Baines in a bit of space on the left of the Honduran area. His low cross is fairly aimless, though Bernardez takes no chances and slides it out for a corner. The set piece comes to naught. This isn't the greatest game of football that's ever been played, but it's the weekend before the World Cup, who had high hopes?
51 min: Another yellow for Honduras! Beckeles comes in late on Welbeck. It looked worse than it actually was - a mistimed lunge from distance - but they can't complain too loudly. Honduras are in danger of losing the head here, some of their challenges are borderline.
49 min: Bernardez is booked for hanging out a leg to stop the lively Barkley, who had turned him nicely. They certainly don't mind putting it about, Honduras. Mind you, here's Baines clattering into the back of Chavez. That could have earned a yellow on another day, but England get away with it. Honduras, to a man, have the funk on about that non-decision, coming a few seconds as it did after Bernardez's caution.
47 min: Barkley glides down the middle. He slips the ball to the left for Wilshere, who knocks it straight back to him. Barkley attempts to whip a curler into the top right from 20 yards, and isn't far off at all. Valladares was rooted to the spot there; if that was on target, it was in.
And we're off again! A couple of changes for England: Gerrard and Rooney are replaced by Barkley and Wilshere. And one for Honduras: Garrido is swapped for Claros. "Did Barry Bryan (10.47pm) record Eloise during one of those storms?" wonders Sean Moore, deliberately misreading this MBM for comic effect. And what effect!
Half-time advertisement: I had promised myself that I'd finally stop desperately pushing And Gazza Misses The Final, the World Cup MBM book I've co-written with Rob Smyth. But then I thought, hey, it's late on Saturday night, most of you will be half cut by now, if not nine-tenths along the way to achieving blackout. You'll be in the mood to purchase any old tat! So if you enjoyed our MBM of the 1966 final, or the epic 1990 semi between England and West Germany, you might like the other 20 matches in the book, which include the 1950 'final' between Brazil and Uruguay, the Battle of Santiago, the 1982 Schumacher-Battiston brouhaha, and many more. Seventeen more, in fact. It's the weekend, you deserve something special, so either treat yourself to it, or pour another large nippy sweetie. (I'd probably opt for the whisky, myself, but it's worth a try.)
Or the end of the second quarter, whichever way you want to look at it.
44 min: Chavez goes on a rococo wander down the right. He's crowded out by Baines and Jagielka, but the ball's recycled to Palacios, who aims for the bottom right from the edge of the D, only to see his shot deflected out by Cahill. Corner on the right, which Hart flaps at. Then a low fizzing corner on the left, from which Figueroa, at the near post, flicks towards the bottom left. It's not a subtle enough touch, and billows the side netting.
41 min: Welbeck and Henderson shuttle the ball down the centre of the field. Lallana flicks the ball from right to left foot with his ankle, a lovely sashay, then attempts to thread a shot into the bottom right. It's deflected out for a corner off Figueroa, and the set piece comes to nothing. That shot wasn't too far outside the right-hand post. England are the better team, without quite getting totally on top.
39 min: Johnson, Sturridge and Henderson triangulate down the right. Henderson breaks into the area, but is clattered by Figueroa before he can get a cross in. He looks up like a puppy, after a penalty, but he's never getting one for that.
36 min: Johnson is felled by Espinoza down the Honduran left, but there was no malicious intent. This is very bitty, and there's a sense it could all kick off with one extreme challenge.
34 min: Free kick for Honduras, 20 yards out, just to the left of goal. Chavez hits a decent enough effort towards the top left, but it's a little high, and Hart had it covered anyway.
31 min: This is getting a bit out of hand now. Sturridge is clipped to the floor, down the right, by Izaguirre. It's a foul. The ball rests just in front of the prone striker's trouser arrangement. Isaguirre hammers the ball straight into Sturridge's shorts, from close range. That's a great shot in billiards, but a really lowdown act on a football field. He's booked, but could easily have - probably should have - seen red. Sturridge jumped up with a view to clacking one on the Celtic full back, but thought better of it.
29 min: Sturridge earns a corner off Palacios down the right. It's fired out to the far wing, where Gerrard slips a pass down the flank to Baines. Bengtson clatters into the England full back as he earns a corner. Baines gets up without fuss and hits a corner that doesn't clear the first man. This has been awful since the restart, but you can hardly blame the players for that.
28 min: Sturridge is still limping around gingerly. Baines is robbed down the Honduran right, with the ball lumped straight behind Hart's goal. England then over-elaborate after the goal kick, and nearly gift the ball to Costly. Ah, Sturridge seems to be moving a bit better now, which is the only good news from a scrappy couple of minutes for England.
26 min: Sturridge turns his ankle down the left. Then Garrido lunges in on Gerrard and picks up a deserved booking for a fairly aggressive lunge. Raheem Sterling may have raised an eyebrow, as the Honduran had both feet off the ground and wasn't in full control there. England won't mind too much, though, as they'll learn bugger all playing against ten men.
25 min: Lallana miscontrols on the edge of his own area, under pressure from Costly as a long ball's lumped down the left. Bengtson nips in and prods a shot from the edge of the area, straight at Hart. Here's Matt Dony with an answer to Marie Meyer's question of a few minutes ago: "A bunch of Hondurans?" There's no arguing with that.
And we're off again! We're going to restart with the goal kick that would have been taken after Sturridge's miss from 12 yards. Valladares hoofs upfield, the ball's headed straight back to him. It's on! Again!
Action soon, by the looks of things! Joe Hart is out, warming up again on the now-greasy surface. Then the rest of the lads trot out for a few stretches. And it appears the referee has given the green light for the match to be restarted in ten minutes! Woo hoo. "Having lived in Florida for my high school years, I learned quickly that in the summer months that you can expect a lightning storm at four or five in the afternoon about six out of every seven days," writes fancy-fingered Barry Bryan, amazingly typing and keeping count at the same time. "What on earth was whoever planned this thinking? Acclimatizing to the humidity maybe?"
The stadium manager is currently being interviewed by ITV. It's not magnificent television, to be frank, but then here I am transcribing the desperate patter as Adrian Chiles scrambles to fill dead air, so I'm in no position to criticise. "This is not unusual," says the big guy. "We're accustomed to it. It's part of our weather pattern. We're used to it. It rains, it comes, it goes." Which does sort of beg one question, and US resident Marie Meyer is here to ask it: "Who but a bunch of Brits would choose to go to Miami in the summer?!"
It is tipping down in Miami right now. Roy Hodgson is in a surprisingly chipper mood given the irritating nature of this strange circumstance. "It's a surprise," he shrugs with a smile. "I've encountered it here in Florida on golf courses, when they're obviously very eager to get you back inside. We can only accept and appreciate the referee's decision. These are facts of life, we just have to get on with it. All we can do is wait."
There have been worries that any serious delay might play havoc with England's travel arrangements. They're due to fly down to Rio tonight. But Roy doesn't think it's such a whimsical notion. " And I think I will travel to Rio, using the music for flight, there's nothing I know of in Rio, but it's something to do with the night No, I think it won't be a great problem. It's a private plane, though I don't know how easy it is to get another slot. My only worry is, if this takes another hour, how many people will be left in the stadium."
Another hour! Now there's a thought.
Weather forecast, with referee Ricardo Salazar: He's just told the Independent Television service that there have been "lightning strikes two miles away", which is why the players were whipped off. Sounds fair enough to me. They're going to assess the situation in another 20 minutes, when they "may delay longer, but we may also be good to go". However, he's had a look at the radar, and says it's "getting worse". Hmm. Saturday night, I feel the air is getting hot, like you baby, as Michael Fish Whigfield once sang.
The players trudge off, and back to the changing rooms, with faces on. Nobody seems particularly happy about this break in play. It could be worse, they could be stopping for rain, as they did in the Stoke-Man Utd League Cup game last season, when Mark Clattenburg decided that a bit of water could have someone's eye out.
23 min: THUNDER AND LIGHTNING STOPS PLAY! Another clap of thunder, and the referee decides that safety is paramount. The players are taken off the field "due to the inclement weather", as the scoreboard screams - and we're told there'll be a 30-minute pause in play!
21 min: What a sweet, flowing move by England. England are three on three. Welbeck romps down the middle, then slides the ball out right to Rooney, who returns it immediately. On the edge of the area, Welbeck steps over the ball and lets it roll to Sturridge on his left. He's free on the edge of the area, and fires a low shot inches wide of the right-hand post. He should probably have scored there, but it wasn't a bad effort, and it was fine play by Welbeck and Rooney.
19 min: Sturridge wins a free kick down the right with a determined run. Gerrard swings a not-very-good set piece into the area. Cleared, but only to Lallana, who scores three points that Stuart Lancaster's side could have done with this morning.
17 min: A loud clap of thunder above the stadium. Oo-er! Someone, somewhere applauding Adam Lallana's jink down the right, perhaps. He enters the area and pulls one back for Rooney, who has space, but faffs around a bit and Honduras eventually clear. Nearly an opening. Actually it was an opening, Rooney should have hit that first time rather than trying to shift it to the left.
15 min: Costly turns down the Honduran inside-left channel and looks to curl a spectacular one into the top right from 25 yards, but only succeeds in blootering a shot off the top of Bengtson's head and out of play. Goal kick. "Ye gods, when am I going to stop misspelling Sterling's surname?" shrieks Phil Sawyer of kick-off fame. "I mean, I'm a Liverpool supporter, I should have learnt it by now. At least I don't keep making the same mistake with Stephen Gerard."
13 min: Free kick for England, 35 yards out, a step or two to the left of centre. Rooney and Baines stand over it, doing that Cristiano Ronaldo wide-stance thing. Rooney loops a ball up over the wall and back down, the ball heading towards the bottom left. Valladares parries it. He should gather. That was hapless goalkeeping. He nearly punched the ball up into his own phizog! Dear me. It balloons off to the left, and Sturridge is onto the loose ball, but he's offside, the Hondurans benefitting from their own doziness, their static wall turning into the sort of offside trap that George Graham has warm, wobbly dreams about.
11 min: Gerrard whips a low ball into the area from the left, finding Welbeck on the spot. The pass is hit with such pace that it's hard for the striker to control and get a shot away, and he does neither. You can't really blame him for getting that one stuck under his feet. Gerrard's had a mixed start; he was a little late on Chavez a couple of minutes ago, and now, as if to prove my point while I'm writing this, he has a shot from 25 yards that flies 25 yards over the bar.
8 min: More snoozing from Johnson, who is caught flat-footed by Espinoza. The resulting cross, from near the left-hand corner flag, is easily gathered by Hart. But on the touchline, Roy Hodgson looks pensive, as well he might. Nobody does pensive like Roy Hodgson. Except maybe Scarlett Johannson in Lost in Translation, but it's a close-run thing.
6 min: A long ball's raked down the left wing. Johnson, who as Liverpool fans will confirm has been in a state of utter confusion since November, lets the ball clank off him and out for a corner. The set piece is only half dealt with by Cahill, and his glancing header flies to Bernardez, level with the right-hand post, 12 yards out. He slashes an awful shot miles over the bar, and the effort's not that accurate either.
4 min: Welbeck has a thrash from distance, down the inside-left channel. Valladares makes a meal of gathering the ball, which was flying straight towards his startled coupon at some pace. Welbeck has taken a whack to the foot, but he looks like he'll run that one off.
3 min: Rooney earns himself a yard down the right, but his cross into the Honduran area doesn't beat the first man. Figueroa slices the ball up into the air, which leads to more whistling from the stand, though this time it's the more highly amused two-tone saucy trill.
2 min: England stroke it around the back awhile, Cahill and Jagielka finally living their dreams of being Franz Beckenbauer. Minus the striding forward and setting up attacks, that is. It's a start. This is the game management Roy Hodgson was talking about, presumably. The paying punters in the stadium don't like it much, and are whistling accordingly.
After what seems an interminable wait, the bore operating the PA system finally lifts the needle off his well-worn 7-inch of Seven Nation Army, and the players are allowed to kick off! Honduras get the ball rolling. "I don't think Raheem Stirling has necessarily done himself a disservice by getting sent off last match and therefore being ineligible to play tonight," opines Phil Sawyer. "It's possibly scuppered his chances of making the starting lineup next weekend, but I've seen good arguments this week for keeping the youngsters fresh to come on as impact subs in the heat of Manaus and hit Italy when they're knackered. I've also seen equally good arguments for England starting in the Liverpool fashion against Italy, loading the side with attacking youngsters to try to get early goals then shutting up shop later in the match by bringing yer more defensive, experienced heads on. In short, I don't know what to think. I admit this is not much help. It's still more analysis than Andy Townsend brings to the party, mind."
The teams are out, England in 1966 red, Honduras in blue, which is their second strip as well. And it's time for the national anthems! First up, the famous theme tune of the entertaining England Globetrotters ...
... and then the Honduran call to arms. Like most Latin American numbers, this one's bursting with military pomp, though it's a tad more jaunty than some. The lyrics describe the flag, a fairly straightforward approach when you think about it:
Your flag is a splendour of sky / Crossed with a band of snow / And there can be seen, in its sacred depths / Five pale blue stars / In your emblem, which a rough sea / With its wild waves protects / Behind the bare summit of a volcano / A star brightly shines!
That's the chorus, anyway. We don't have time for the seven epic verses which address Honduras's entire history.
Roy speaks! And say what you like, but the man speaks sense. Can we assume this is the starting line-up for next week's game against Italy? "You can assume what you like. There's a lot of thinking to be done. Raheem Sterling would have been a starter today, but we can't use him. In capitalist society, spare time is acquired for one class by converting the whole lifetime of the masses into labour time. We're interested in game management in these hot conditions. Hopefully we can control the tempo."
No action tonight for either Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain or Raheem Sterling. The former is injured, the latter suspended, having been a naughty lad against Ecuador the other night. A shame for England, who would be a real proposition with these two hot talents in the starting XI. Still, it gives both Danny Welbeck and Adam Lallana a real chance to make a bid for the Italy game this time next week. Roy Hodgson's named the same XI that beat Peru at Wembley. That was as hit and miss as a 3-0 win can get, so tonight should be interesting enough.
England: Hart, Johnson, Cahill, Jagielka, Baines, Gerrard, Henderson, Lallana, Sturridge, Rooney, Welbeck.
Subs: Foster, Lampard, Smalling, Jones, Milner, Lambert, Sterling, Barkley, Shaw, Stones, Flanagan, Forster.
Honduras: Valladares, Beckeles, Figueroa, Bernardez, Izaguirre, Espinoza, Wilson Palacios, Garrido, Marvin Chavez, Costly, Bengtson.
Subs: Lopez, Osman Chavez, Montes, Juan Garcia, Jerry Palacios, Mario Martinez, Delgado, Oscar Garcia, Rony Martinez, Najar, Claros, Escober.
Referee: Ricardo Salazar (USA)
Honduras are, like England, on their way to Brazil next week. And here's another way they're like England: they'll not be returning home with the World Cup. Not if their past record in the competition is anything to go by. They've only qualified for the finals twice before, in 1982 and 2010, and have yet to win a single match. Last time round, they even failed to score a goal, though admittedly they were drawn in a tough group alongside Chile, Switzerland and the eventual champions Spain. Their performance in 1982 was a whole lot better: draws against hosts Spain (who they led) and Northern Ireland, and a late, late, late one-goal defeat by Yugoslavia added up to a brave performance from a nation making its debut on the biggest stage of all. But that's still a grand total of zero wins. Still, look at it the other way: it's about time Honduras broke their duck and did for someone. Switzerland, Ecuador and France could be forgiven for starting to worry at least a little bit.
The 2014 Honduran vintage are certainly capable of registering their virgin World Cup win. They're positioned 33rd in the Fifa rankings, which is one place below 1950 and 1958 finalists Sweden, one ahead of 1934 and 1962 finalists (sort of) the Czech Republic, two ahead of 2002 semi-finalists Turkey, three ahead of seven-time African champions Egypt, four ahead of Ghana, who were a fingertip away from the 2010 semis, and 14 ahead of Hungary, the 1938 and 1954 runners-up. Which doesn't make them world beaters by any measure, but they bested Mexico to qualify for Brazil 2014 without faffing around in the Concacaf play-offs, and can call on the likes of Stoke City midfielder Wilson Palacios, rampaging Celtic left back Emilio Izaguirre, up-and-coming Anderlecht winger Andy Najar, Hull City defender Maynor Figueroa, Wigan Athletic defender-cum-winger Roger Espinoza, and 31-goals-in-69-internationals Carlo Costly, once of Birmingham City. England might have a bit of defending to do this evening, and that's not their strong suit; they could be forgiven for worrying at least a little bit.
Roy Hodgson's side do, of course, have their dander up. A solid 3-0 win over Peru at Wembley last weekend was swiftly followed by 90 minutes' worth of entertaining nonsense against Ecuador on Wednesday: four goals shared, two of them absolute belters, and a couple of red cards thrown in. Marvellous fun. Hopefully there'll be more rollercoaster madness tonight: Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck and Adam Lallana will be looking to stake claim on a starting place against Italy next Saturday, in the wake of Wayne Rooney, Rickie Lambert and Ross Barkley having done so already against Ecuador, and Raheem Sterling apparently making up for his absurd challenge on Antonio Valencia by shining in training yesterday. Plenty of attacking talent in this side, and yes, let's agree to gloss over the defence.
Roll up, roll up, then, ladies and gentlemen, for the latest performance by Mr Roy's suddenly entertaining England Globetrotters. Kick off is at 4.45pm in Miami, 9.45pm in London, and 2.45pm in Tegucigalpa. It's on!