Even Mugatu would agree: Zoolander 2 is so hot right now. But how does it measure up to the 2001 cult classic? Maybe I was taking crazy pills, but I breathed a sigh of relief at this week’s New York City screening to find that Zoolander 2 is just as good (or at least very, very close) as the original male model misadventure. Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) are older but none the wiser or less vain, and they’re now confronting a new fashion scene filled with hipsters, hashtags, and Instagram filters. There’s also a really, really, really ridiculously good-looking addition: Penélope Cruz. It’s a rare result for a sequel to a beloved, oft-quoted comedy, but Zoolander 2 is like one glorious, time-stopping Blue Steel. To get you in the walk-off spirit, here, a side-by-side comparison of Zoolander then and now.
“So Hot Right Now” Derek Rival
Then: Hansel (Wilson), peyote-smoking, baja-wearing sex god and Derek’s intellectual equal
Now: All (Benedict Cumberbatch), a nonbinary force of nature. At one point, Zoolander and Hansel ask All (rather offensively) if he has “a hot dog or a bun.”
Deranged Designer Villain
Then: Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell), an early adopter of platinum hair and man buns. He pioneered the seminal Derelicte collection and invented the piano key necktie.
Now: Alexanya Atoz (Kristen Wiig), an over-Botoxed Italian fashion magnate who speaks with an indiscernible accent
Derek Crush
Then: Journalist Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor, who is Stiller’s real-life wife)
Now: Valentina Valencia (Cruz), Interpol special fashion agent with a shadowy past
Significant Look
Then: Blue Steel, a look so fierce it stopped a throwing star in midair and saved the life of the Malaysian prime minister
Now: AcquaFina, a deviation from Blue Steel with a subtle eyebrow tilt
Zoolander’s Commercial Spot
Then: The Aveda “merman” commercial (“Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty”) that horrified Derek’s father (Jon Voight).
Now: The aforementioned AcquaFina spot, which (no spoilers) again transforms Derek’s bottom half. (It also features cameos from almost every current supermodel.)
Notable Hansel Orgy
Then: Derek, Matilda, and a colorful supporting cast engaged in an herbal-infused night to remember. As Derek recalled of Matilda: “There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.”
Now: Hansel has a 10-way with a former teen pop star, a veteran television actor, and at least one farm animal.
Trusty Assistant
Then: Mugatu’s latte-furnishing plebe, Todd
Now: VIP, rhymes with pip (Fred Armisen’s face CGI-ed on a tween’s body to eerie perfection), an iPad-toting social media coordinator for up-and-coming hipster designer Don Atari (Kyle Mooney)
Tech Breakthrough
Then: Derek’s miniature flip phone
Now: Instagram (whose filters are carefully considered even as a major pop star takes a death selfie)
Social Scourge
Then: Billy Zane
Now: Hipsters who run Rome’s Palazzo di Caca, which is constructed entirely of biodegradable human waste, replete with “farm-to-table WiFi”
Delicious Cameos
Then: Vince Vaughn, Paris Hilton, Winona Ryder, David Duchovny, and the late, great David Bowie
Now: Yes, Justin Bieber appears in the trailer. As for the rest? Just you wait . . .
Derek Zoolander takes us inside his really, really ridiculously good-looking apartment: