Welcome to the Hotness Knockout Stages!

We’re in the Round of Sixteen. Here’s how this will go: I will be posting the FULL 23 MAN ROSTER for EACH TEAM

Vote by sending me a message or reblogging/replying to the Round of Sixteen post with your choice!

This round, to mix things up, I’m getting involved. My vote only counts for 1, and for the ~content~ I’ll go man by man, scoring 1 point for the hotter guy, 0 points for tie. Without further ado:

Mm, two nice keepers, but Beiranvand gets it.
IRA 1:0 EGY

Ali Gabr gets it this round.
IRA 1:1 EGY

Safi’s too hot to stop.
IRA 2:1 EGY

Two attractive fellas, and two different tastes. I think a tie.
IRA 2:1 EGY

Two attractive guys, but Mohammadi takes it for me.
IRA 3:1 EGY

Ooh, these two guys would be strong contenders on their own, but against each other? tie.
IRA 3:1 EGY

Shojaei.
IRA 4:1 EGY

Pouraliganji takes it!
IRA 4:1 EGY

Hmm, two handsome fellas! Tie.
IRA 4:1 EGY

I love Salah, but Ansarifard’s cuter.
IRA 5:1 EGY

I like Kahraba, but Amiri wins it.
IRA 6:1 EGY

Gonna give it to Mazaheri.
IRA 7:1 EGY

Iran’s gaining a hella lead. Khanazadeh.
IRA 8:1 EGY

Oooh, two who are too handsome. Tie.
IRA 8:1 EGY

Iran takes a hit! Hamdy gets this matchup.
IRA 8:2 EGY

I really like Ghooch, but something about Ekramy hits me right in the Momoa.
IRA 8:3 EGY

Mmm, tie.
IRA 8:3 EGY

Hard to beat Jahanbakhsh.
IRA 9:3 EGY

Hosseini’s got lovely eyes, but Said takes it.
IRA 9:4 EGY

Neither of them quite tickle my fancy, so tie.
IRA 9:4 EGY

I keep flip-flopping, so I guess it’s a tie.
IRA 9:4 EGY

Abedzadeh’s more my type, but I can’t get over Warda’s grin. Tie.
IRA 9:4 EGY

All hail sexy frat boy Rezaeian.
IRA 10:4 EGY

And Iran wins it by a landslide for me. 

WORLD CUP OF HOTNESS: HOTTEST TEAM!

Now that most of the teams have been “introduced,” it’s your time to decide: who is the 🔥HOTTEST🔥 team in the World Cup? We’ll do it like the World Cup, with group stages and brackets. 

Each team will get a point for each like, reblog, reply, and message. The top two teams from each group will move on to the Knock Out Stages. In the unlikely event of a tie, I will exercise the tiny privilege this blog gives me as tiebreaker. 

As the Final Team intros come out in the next two days, I’ll update the list below.

CELEBRATE FIREWORKS OF A DIFFERENT KIND BY CHOOSING YOUR FAVORITES BY JULY 4TH. KNOCKOUTS WILL CONTINUE ALONG WITH THE WORLD CUP UNTIL THE FINAL ON 7/15!

GROUP A

• 🇷🇺 Russia 🇷🇺
• 🇺🇾 Uruguay 🇺🇾
• 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦
• 🇪🇬 Egypt 🇪🇬

GROUP B

• 🇵🇹 Portugal 🇵🇹
• 🇪🇸 Spain 🇪🇸
• 🇲🇦 Morocco 🇲🇦
• 🇮🇷 Iran 🇮🇷

GROUP C

• 🇫🇷 France 🇫🇷
• 🇦🇺 Australia 🇦🇺
• 🇵🇪 Peru 🇵🇪
• 🇩🇰 Denmark 🇩🇰

GROUP D

• 🇦🇷 Argentina 🇦🇷
• 🇮🇸 Iceland 🇮🇸
• 🇭🇷 Croatia 🇭🇷
• 🇳🇬 Nigeria 🇳🇬

GROUP E

• 🇧🇷 Brazil 🇧🇷
• 🇨🇭 Switzerland 🇨🇭
• 🇨🇷 Costa Rica 🇨🇷
• 🇷🇸 Serbia 🇷🇸

GROUP F

• 🇩🇪 Germany 🇩🇪
• 🇲🇽 Mexico 🇲🇽
• 🇰🇷 South Korea 🇰🇷
• 🇸🇪 Sweden 🇸🇪

GROUP G

• 🇧🇪 Belgium 🇧🇪
• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
• 🇵🇦 Panama 🇵🇦
• 🇹🇳 Tunisia 🇹🇳

GROUP H

• 🇵🇱 Poland 🇵🇱
• 🇯🇵 Japan 🇯🇵
• 🇨🇴 Colombia 🇨🇴
• 🇸🇳 Senegal 🇸🇳

Who is the 🔥HOTTEST🔥 team in the World Cup? It’s your chance to decide. We’ll do it like the World Cup, with group stages and brackets.

RESULTS ARE IN FOR THE GROUP STAGE! I’ll put the brackets up later today. I’ve got a busy weekend, so Knockouts will likely begin on Monday.

GROUP A

• URUGUAY finish on top with 55% of the vote!
• EGYPT finish second with 33% of the vote!
• Russia takes third with 10%
• Saudi Arabia finishes up with 2%

GROUP B

• IRAN top the group with 44% of the vote!
• SPAIN finish second with 32%
• Morocco get pip third place with 13%
• Despite a late rally, Portugal finish late with 12%

GROUP C

• DENMARK tops with group with 38% of the vote
• FRANCE’s late rally got them through the deadlock, and they finish second with 29%
• Peru’s 44 votes are only enough for third, and 27% of the vote
• Australia had a rough showing this year, and only finish with 7% of the vote.

GROUP D

• CROATIA top the group with 43% of the vote
• ICELAND get second place with 31%
• No great escape for Argentina, who only grab 23% of the vote
• Nigeria’s 7 votes give them 3% of the total.

GROUP E

• BRAZIL’s samba kings lead the group with 46% of the vote
• SERBIA grabs second with 33%
• Switzerland gets third place with 15% of the vote
• Costa Rica finishes off the group with 6% of the vote

GROUP F

• MEXICO top with group with a stunning 58% of the vote
• GERMANY pick the second spot with 27%
• South Korea’s 11 votes kept them steady at 10% for third place
• Sweden manage to get 5% of the vote, for last place.

GROUP G

• ENGLAND top the group, commanding 49% of the vote.
• BELGIUM’s Red Devils grab second with 35%
• Tunisia had the most dedicated fans, and moved their team the most % points. Alas, they got to third, with 10% of the group votes.
• Panama finishes last, with 6% of the vote

GROUP H

• COLOMBIA top the group with 54% of the vote
• JAPAN finish second, with 25% of the vote
• Poland’s dedicated fans worked hard, but Poland only managed 16% of the vote (7 votes shy of Japan)
• Senegal round out the group with 6% of the group.

Who is the 🔥HOTTEST🔥 team in the World Cup? It’s your chance to decide. We’ll do it like the World Cup, with group stages and brackets.

Each team will get a point for each like, reblog, reply, and message. The top two teams from each group will move on to the Knock Out Stages. In the unlikely event of a tie, I will exercise the tiny privilege this blog gives me as tiebreaker. The Group Stages end July 4th.

Remeber! If you have already liked and reblogged, earn your team more points by dropping a message in their favor! Or, better yet, get your friends to like and reblog!

HERE ARE THE CURRENT STANDINGS AS OF THE FOURTH EVENING OF THE GROUP STAGES:

GROUP A

• 🇷🇺 Russia 8.5%  9%  9%
• 🇺🇾 Uruguay 52%  55%  55%
• 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia 2%  2%  2%
• 🇪🇬 Egypt 37.5%  34%  34%

Things staying stable in Group A.

GROUP B

• 🇵🇹 Portugal 10%  12%  11%
• 🇪🇸 Spain 28%  29%  32%
• 🇲🇦 Morocco 15%  14%  14%
• 🇮🇷 Iran 47%  45%  43%

It looks like it’s a straight two-horse race now, with Spain gaining some ground on Morocco.

GROUP C

• 🇫🇷 France 23%  27%  27%
• 🇦🇺 Australia 9%  8%  8%
• 🇵🇪 Peru 35%  27%  27%
• 🇩🇰 Denmark 33%  38%  38%

Stable in Group C…meaning it’s still a tie between France and Peru for second place!

GROUP D

• 🇦🇷 Argentina 18%  24%  24%
• 🇮🇸 Iceland 36%  30%  30%
• 🇭🇷 Croatia 43%  43%  43%
• 🇳🇬 Nigeria 3%  3%  3%

Stable today. Argentina still has a chance, but time’s running out.

GROUP E

• 🇧🇷 Brazil 41%  46%  44%
• 🇨🇭 Switzerland 14%  12%  16%
• 🇨🇷 Costa Rica 7%  6%  6%
• 🇷🇸 Serbia 38%  36%  34%

It’s still Brazil and Serbia leading the way, but Switzerland has gained a bit of ground. 

GROUP F

• 🇩🇪 Germany 28%  29%  27%
• 🇲🇽 Mexico 61%  57%  60%
• 🇰🇷 South Korea 8%  10%  10%
• 🇸🇪 Sweden 3%  4%  3%

Mexico consolidates its lead in hotness again after its heartbreaking exit. Germany looks a likely second place at this point. Is there an upset in the cards?

GROUP G

• 🇧🇪 Belgium 33%  20%  39%
• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 England 12%  64%  46%
• 🇵🇦 Panama 22%  4%  6%
• 🇹🇳 Tunisia 33%  12%  9%

Goodness, this group keeps swinging around wildly! England’s still on top, but Belgium has gained a LOT of ground.

GROUP H

• 🇵🇱 Poland 9%  10%
• 🇯🇵 Japan 16%  24%
• 🇨🇴 Colombia 68%  59%
• 🇸🇳 Senegal 6%  7%

Colombia’s still got it’s big lead, but Japan has strengthened its grip on second place…the margin’s still small, and there’s plenty of room! 

Your next update will come tomorrow night!

Who is the 🔥HOTTEST🔥 team in the World Cup? It’s your chance to decide. We’ll do it like the World Cup, with group stages and brackets.

Each team will get a point for each like, reblog, reply, and message. The top two teams from each group will move on to the Knock Out Stages. In the unlikely event of a tie, I will exercise the tiny privilege this blog gives me as tiebreaker. The Group Stages end July 4th–TOMORROW NIGHT!

Remeber! If you have already liked and reblogged, earn your team more points by dropping a message in their favor! Or, better yet, get your friends to like and reblog!

If you get 5 friends to like and reblog a post, that’s 10 votes! As you can see below, that could completely change the fate of many groups!

Here are the current standings as of the fifth and penultimate night of the group stages. I’m being a bit more detailed to encourage some last-minute frenzy!

GROUP A

• 🇷🇺 Russia 
• With 22 votes, Russia stay stable at 9% of the total.
• 🇺🇾 Uruguay
• Uruguay gain a tiny bit of ground, moving up to 56% of the group total with a whopping 135 votes.
• 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia
• Saudi Arabia stays stable, 5 votes counting for about 2% of the total
• 🇪🇬 Egypt
• Egypt lose a little ground, as their 81 votes give them 33% of the total.

GROUP B

• 🇵🇹 Portugal
• Stable for Portugal, their 17 votes give them 11% of the total.
• 🇪🇸 Spain
• Spain’s 50 votes keep them in second with 32% of the votes
• 🇲🇦 Morocco
• Morocco lose a percent, their 21 votes garnering them 13% of votes
• 🇮🇷 Iran
• Iran’s 68 votes put them in the lead with 44% of the vote tally.

GROUP C

• 🇫🇷 France 
• France continues to slowly gain ground over Peru, with 47 votes bumping them up to 29% of the votes.
• 🇦🇺 Australia
• Australia cedes a bit of ground, its 12 votes garnering 7% of the total
• 🇵🇪 Peru 35%  27%  27%
• Peru’s 44 votes keep them in touch of second place with 27% of the vote.
• 🇩🇰 Denmark
• Denmark’s 61 votes keep them on top, as they horde 37% of the group’s votes.

GROUP D

• 🇦🇷 Argentina
• Argentina’s 58 votes give them 23% of the group total
• 🇮🇸 Iceland
• The Vikings gain ground from Argentina, 78 votes giving them 31% of the group total
• 🇭🇷 Croatia
• Croatia’s 108 votes give them a commanding 43% of the group’s votes.
• 🇳🇬 Nigeria
• Nigeria’s 7 votes give them 3% of the total.

GROUP E

• 🇧🇷 Brazil
• Brazil maintain their lead of the group with 31 votes, 45% of the total.
• 🇨🇭 Switzerland
• Switzerland’s 11 votes give them 16% of the total
• 🇨🇷 Costa Rica 7%  6%  6%
• Costa Rica’s 4 votes give them 6% of the total group votes.
• 🇷🇸 Serbia
• Serbia’s 23 votes give them a strong hold on second place with 33% of the vote

GROUP F

• 🇩🇪 Germany
• Germany’s 30 votes account for 27% of Group F’s votes and put them in second place
• 🇲🇽 Mexico
• Mexico cedes a little ground but still has all the marbles - 65 votes gives them 58% of the group’s votes
• 🇰🇷 South Korea
• South Korea’s 11 votes keep them steady at 10%
• 🇸🇪 Sweden
• Sweden’s victory is likely responsible for a 2% bump, as 6 votes give them 5% of the votes.

GROUP G

• 🇧🇪 Belgium
• No changes proportionally in this group, Belgium’s 42 votes give them 39% of the vote tally
• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 England
• England’s 50 votes keep them at 46% of the vote tally
• 🇵🇦 Panama
• Panama’s 5 votes give them 6% of the total.
• 🇹🇳 Tunisia
• Despite some of the most dedicated fans, Tunisia only has 10 votes, and 9% of Group G’s votes

GROUP H

• 🇵🇱 Poland
• You CAN make a difference. Poland got some love today and leapt up several percentage points! 12 votes gives them 16% of the share.
• 🇯🇵 Japan
• Japan’s 18 votes keep them stable at 24%
• 🇨🇴 Colombia
• Poland’s gain was Colombia’s loss. But there’s still well in the lead with 41 votes–54% of the group total
• 🇸🇳 Senegal
• Senegal moves around within a point or so, and 5 votes gives them 6% of the total.

Who is the 🔥HOTTEST🔥 team in the World Cup? It’s your chance to decide. We’ll do it like the World Cup, with group stages and brackets.

Each team will get a point for each like, reblog, reply, and message. The top two teams from each group will move on to the Knock Out Stages. In the unlikely event of a tie, I will exercise the tiny privilege this blog gives me as tiebreaker. The Group Stages end July 4th.

Remeber! If you have already liked and reblogged, earn your team more points by dropping a message in their favor! Or, better yet, get your friends to like and reblog!

HERE ARE THE CURRENT STANDINGS AS OF THE EVENING OF THE THIRD EVENING OF THE GROUP STAGES:

GROUP A

• 🇷🇺 Russia 8.5%  9%
• 🇺🇾 Uruguay 52%  55%
• 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia 2%  2%
• 🇪🇬 Egypt 37.5%  34%

Uruguay are solidifying that first place spot, and Egypt seems firmly in second…but will Russia’s surprise victory today give them a boost?

GROUP B

• 🇵🇹 Portugal 10%  12%
• 🇪🇸 Spain 28%  29%
• 🇲🇦 Morocco 15%  14%
• 🇮🇷 Iran 47%  45%

Everyone in this group is now out of the “real” World Cup, but this might have been the hottest group in the Cup. And Iran and Spain seem to be keeping hold.

GROUP C

• 🇫🇷 France 23%  27%
• 🇦🇺 Australia 9%  8%
• 🇵🇪 Peru 35%  27%
• 🇩🇰 Denmark 33%  38%

A group of death continues! The heartbroken Danes should find comfort here, and meanwhile France has pulled level with Peru! What will happen in the last two days?

GROUP D

• 🇦🇷 Argentina 18%  24%
• 🇮🇸 Iceland 36%  30%
• 🇭🇷 Croatia 43%  43%
• 🇳🇬 Nigeria 3%  3%

Croatia and Iceland are still on top but Argentina’s gained some ground…upset on the way? And no love the for the Super Eagles?

GROUP E

• 🇧🇷 Brazil 41%  46%
• 🇨🇭 Switzerland 14%  12%
• 🇨🇷 Costa Rica 7%  6%
• 🇷🇸 Serbia 38%  36%

It still appears to be a two horse race between Serbia and Brazil. I gotta say, I’m surprised at Switzerland’s weak showing.

GROUP F

• 🇩🇪 Germany 28%  29%
• 🇲🇽 Mexico 61%  57%
• 🇰🇷 South Korea 8%  10%
• 🇸🇪 Sweden 3%  4%

Mexico is still on tip by quite a bit, but everyone else is picking up the chase! Will an interesting game versus Switzerland tomorrow up the Swedish chances?

GROUP G

• 🇧🇪 Belgium 33%  20%
• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 England 12%  64%
• 🇵🇦 Panama 22%  4%
• 🇹🇳 Tunisia 33%  12%

Goodness, but there’s been some turnaround here. England has taken quite the lead, with Belgium far behind in second. Tunisia has a chance to pip second place yet…

GROUP H

• 🇵🇱 Poland 9%
• 🇯🇵 Japan 16%
• 🇨🇴 Colombia 68%
• 🇸🇳 Senegal 6%

Well, Colombia take a commanding lead! But second place is still anybody’s game!

Your next update will come tomorrow night!

The official rosters were announced today…that means hotness research can begin in earnest! But hotness in footballers isn’t new. It’s been around a long time. To celebrate this slower news day, I’m going to take you on a journey through the World Cup of Hotness Hall of Fame. These hotties are classics, doing their best work before 1990.

Note: WCOH Hall of Famers must have played in World Cups. There’s lots of hotness to go around, and I have to narrow it down somehow.

Didi

Waldyr Pereria was better known as “Didi,” and played for Brazil in the 1954, 1958, and 1962 World Cups (Brazil won the last two). He was named the best player of the tournament in 1958. He played professionally from 1946-1966, for prestigious teams like Botafogo, Real Madrid, and Sao Paulo. Following his time as a player, he had a prestigious coaching career.

That smile, those cheekbones, that intense gaze…he’s like a fairy tale prince who also happens to be good at free kicks.

Jairzinho

Jair Ventura Filha was a member of the 1970 World-Cup winning Brazil team, and he also played on the 1966 and 1974 teams. A right-winger by trade, he could slot in to many attacking positions. He spent most of his professional career at the Brazilian team Botafogo.

Cheekbones for days, full lips, that bod. A bold sense of style. Are you kidding me? 

Mario Kempes

Kempes was a member of the 1974, 1978, and 1982 Argentina squads. He’s best known as the leading the Cup-winning 78 squad from the front: he won the Golden Boot (scored the most goals in the tournament) and scored twice in the final. He played for many teams but is most closely associated with Rosario Central in Argentina and Valencia in Spain.

Long and lanky with similarly long and lanky hair, I feel like Kempes could be the hot frontman of that cool band you like right now and no one could tell the difference

Sándor Kocsis

The top goalscorer in the 1954 World Cup, this Hungarian played for the Budapest team Honvéd FC for seven years and for Barcelona for seven years. He is one of only two players in FIFA records with an average of more than one goal per game playing for his national team.

Get you a man who can serve both Andrew Garfield twink cuteness and be a hot dad at the same time and have the highest international goal per game ratio of all time. You deserve it.

Raymond Kopa

Kopa was a French striker who played professionally for Reims and Real Madrid. He was a member of the 1954 and third-place winning 1958 French squads. He won the 1958 Ballon d’Or (Footballer of the Year Award) and was the first football player to be awarded the France Légion d'honneur.

Look at this cutie! He’s so very French. And was apparently quite congenial. I found a bunch of pictures of him hanging with the rest of the guys on this list. Best wingman ever.

Pelé

Pelé’s full name is Edson Arantes do Nascimento, but he only needs Pelé. He is quite possibly the single greatest football player of all time, and was even considered Athlete of the Century (in

any

sport) by the International Olympic Committee. He was a member of four Brazil World Cup squads…and won three times–in 1958, 1962, and 1970. (They shockingly did not make it out of the group stages in 1966). He played over 1100 matches for Santos FC, and helped launch the first professional soccer league in the US when he played for the New York Cosmos. 

Hotness is not particularly the thing Pelé is known for, but his smile makes me melt into an absolute puddle. I think he’s as beautiful a man as he is a footballer. And that’s saying something.

Luis Suárez Miramontes

An attacking midfielder, Luis Suárez has represented his home country Spain in three World Cups: 1962, 1966, and

1990

? Yes, after his professional career, which included long stints at both Barcelona and Inter Milan, Suárez began a successful coaching career. So, after a 24 year absence, he returned to the World Cup team as a coach for the 1990 Spain squad.

Who does this kid think he is, and how is he a 1950s soccer player and not the current star of Riverdale? Football is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Lev Yashin
You want swagger? How about the being the only goalkeeper ever to win the Ball d’Or? He was the goalkeeper for the USSR for four World Cups: 1958, 1962, 1966, and 1970. He’s considering one of the fathers of modern goalkeeping–being a leader by organizing the defense on the field, and rushing defenders rather than waiting between the sticks. He’s kept of 270 clean sheets and saved over 150 penalties in his career

Yashin might not be to all ya’ll’s tastes, but I can’t help but find him attractive. Sweaty and covered in mud, this face swaggers over after just having saved his zillionth penalty. Swoon.

Now that squads have been announced, we can look more closely into the hotness of the individual teams. I mean, that’s what we’re here for, right? For each team, I’ll talk a bit about the squad, then highlight ten hotties (trying to be attentive to many types of hotness), doing my best to split them evenly amongst the field.

Today: RUSSIA!

Russia had a rough Euro 2016 campaign, and, as hosts, qualified automatically for the World Cup. Their records in friendlies have shown improvement. They’ve lost a few key players due to injury, but they have a robust midfield. If Fyodor Smolov and youngster Alexandr Golovin can connect on the field, Russia have a chance of getting to the Round of 16. 

Nickname: Sbornaya (the National Team)
Chant: Vperyoood, Ross-Iya!

SQUAD

Goalkeepers

• Igor Akinfeev, #1 (home club: CSKA Moscow)

Akinfeev is likely to be the primary goalkeeper for the tournament. He’s got a kind of Varsity Captain charm and looks a little like James Van Der Beek?

• Vladimir Gabulov, #20 (home club: Club Brugge)
• Andrey Lunev, #12, (home club: Zenit St Petersburg)
  

Defenders

• Fedor Kudryashov, #13 (home club: Rubin Kazan)
• Ilya Kutepov, #3 (home club: Spartak Moscow)
• Andrey Semenov, #5 (home club: Akhmat Grozny)
• Sergei Ignashevich, #4 (home club: CSKA Moscow)
• Mario Fernandes, #2 (home club: CSKA Moscow)
  
• Vladimir Granat, #14 (home club: Rubin Kazan)
  

One of the veterans on the team, Granat serves some Hot Dad realness. That chiseled jaw and those deep-set eyes give a little gravitas.

• Igor Smolnikov, #23 (home club: Zenit St Petersburg)
  

Ice blue eyes and blonde hair, Smolnikov looks more stereotypically Scandinavian than Russian. Baby-faced at rest, a sweet smile, but intense when the time comes.

Midfielders

• Yuri Gazinskiy, #8 (home club: Krasnodar
• Yuri Zhirkov, #18 (home club: Zenit St. Petersburg)
• Daler Kuzyaev, #7 (home club: Zenit St Petersburg)
  
• Alan Dzagoev, #9 (home club: CSKA Moscow)
  
• Anton Miranchuk, #16 (home club: Lokomotiv Moscow)
  
• Alexsandr Golovin, #17 (home club: CSKA Moscow)

A lot of hopes rest on young Golovin’s shoulders, but he’s got that cocksure swagger that says he’s not too worried about it. 

• Aleksandr Erokhin, #21 (home club: Zenit St. Petersburg)

Floppy mop of brown hair, gentle brown eyes, and a lanky frame. The classic hot hipster soccer player.

• Roman Zobnin, #11 (home club: Spartak Moscow)

Young and cocky, and with the pouty lips and a strong jawline of a model…Zobnin is a pleasure to watch on the field.

• Alexsandr Samedov, #19 (home club: Spartak Moscow)

Mmm, salt-n-pepper. Thick, expressive eyebrows. Deep pools of brown for eyes. A good beard. Yes.

• Denis Cheryshev, #6 (home club: Villarreal)
  

Do he got the booty? He doooo. Also those eyelashes, and that impish grin.

Forwards

• Fedor Smolov, #10 (home club: Krasnodar)
  
• Artem Dzyuba, #22 (home club: Arsenal Tula)

That mix of dark hair and blue eyes is always nice. Wears his emotions on his sleeve.

• Aleksey Miranchuk, #15 (home club: Lokomotiv Moscow)

The younger brother of a pair of brothers on the team, he’s still working on his facial hair…but there’s a boyish charm in the fact he still finds such glee in the sport. 

Welcome to the Hotness Knockouts! 

We’re in the Round of Sixteen. Here’s how this will go: I will be posting the FULL 23 MAN ROSTER for EACH TEAM and then YOU will 24 hours to reblog the post with your vote, or to send a message with your vote. The team with the most votes moves to the next round. To help neutrals choose, I’ll put number up against number - #1 against #1, #17 against #17…probably the most random/neutral way to compare our babes.

Even I’m getting involved in the voting this time – with my picks number by number (but don’t worry—my vote only counts as one): 3 points for the hotter guy, 1 point for tie. Without further ado:

Toughie. Both hot; so it’s a tie.
URU 1 : 1 ESP

Another group of hotties, another tie.
URU 2 : 2 ESP

As a football fan, and a defender, I love Godin. But Pique is way hotter. Advantage Spain.
URU 2 : 5 ESP

Hmmm. Another tie.
URU 3 : 6 ESP

Busquets is great, but I give an edge to Sanchez.
URU 6 : 6 ESP

Ooh, the opposite of #2. Iniesta’s a legend, but Bentancur’s a hottie.
URU 9 : 6 ESP

Something about Saul’s eyes gets me every time.
URU 9 : 9 ESP

Ooh, Nandez is cute but Koke is FINE
URU 9 : 12 ESP

I’ve got a big secret crush on Rodrigo. Suarez is fun.
URU 9 : 15 ESP

Hmm…tie.
URU 10 : 16 ESP

Lucas is cute on the field, but if you look close, his forehead is kinda funny?
URU 13 : 16 ESP

Hair + face = Odriozola
URU 13 : 19 ESP

No advantage either side here, two good guys.
URU 14 : 20 ESP

Cesar is really cute.
URU 14 : 23 ESP

Ramos and his stupid face.
URU 14 : 26 ESP

Nacho is very handsome.
URU 14 : 29 ESP

Even though I can’t with the hair, this one definitely goes to Laxalt.
URU 17 : 29 ESP

Both cute! Tie!
URU 18 : 30 ESP

Hmm, they both have their own special thing going in their own way. Tie.
URU 19 : 31 ESP

Gotta give it to Asensio here.
URU 19 : 34 ESP

Silva’s great but CAVANI
URU 22 : 34 ESP

OOf, what a fight. Kiss and call it a tie?
URU 23 : 35 ESP

Both handsome keepers. Tie.
URU 24 : 36 ESP

Welp, while Uruguay has some intense standouts, on the whole I gotta give it to Spain. That’s where my vote goes. Where does yours go?

Welcome to the Hotness Knockout Stages!

We’re in the Round of Sixteen. Here’s how this will go: I will be posting the FULL 23 MAN ROSTER for EACH TEAM

Vote by sending me a message or reblogging/replying to the Round of Sixteen post with your choice!

This round, to mix things up, I’m getting involved. My vote only counts for 1, and for the ~content~ I’ll go man by man, scoring 1 point for the hotter guy, 0 points for tie. Without further ado the REAL World Cup final matchup in the Round of Sixteen here:

Livakovis is cute, but Lloris is BAE
CRO 0:1 FRA

I like Pavard’s locks, but I think Vrsaljko takes it.
CRO 1:1 FRA

Damn, too tough for me–two different, delicious tastes!
CRO 1:1 FRA

Varane takes it for me. 
CRO 1:2 FRA

Oof. No wonder these teams are in the final. But slight edge to Corluka for me, despite Umtiti’s great grin.
CRO 2:2 FRA

ARGH THESE ARE HARD. Tie.
CRO 2:2 FRA

Hmm, Rakitic looks good here, but I think Griezmann takes it.
CRO 2:3 FRA

I can’t choose.
CRO 2:3 FRA

Damn, this is cruel. Kramaric is a cutie but Giroud.
CRO 2:4 FRA

Two fine players, but I’d rather smooch Mbappe.
CRO 2:5 FRA

Hmm, Brozovic takes this one.
CRO 3:5 FRA

Jedvaj’s not really my type, but I think he’s a little cuter than the midfield maestro.
CRO 4:5 FRA

Hmm…Matuidi!
CRO 4:6 FRA

Damn, tie.
CRO 4:6 FRA

Mandanda’s a legend, but I’d rather date Kalinic.
CRO 5:6 FRA

Hmm…Rami for Memi.
CRO 5:7 FRA

I think this one’s for Rebic.
CRO 6:7 FRA

ARGH. Sidibe?
CRO 6:8 FRA

Well these kids could be twins or something. Tie.
CRO 6:8 FRA

Sorry Vida, I can’t with your hair. Plus, Lucas is way hot.
CRO 6:9 FRA

Ooh, a toughie Two cuties. Tie.
CRO 6:9 FRA

Two PSG keeps, but one of ‘em in the hottest in the biz. Vive le France
CRO 6:10 FRA

A tight battle, but France takes it for me!