World Cup live blog: June 24

Click the link for a quick recap of what happened Tuesday. And watch the video above for the most notorious act of the day.

Wow. Just wow. The Ivory Coast was one minute away from getting to the Top 16 when Sio was fouled on Greece, which earned the Europeans a penalty kick. They converted.

Colombia’s Jackson Martinez. (AP Photo/Felipe Dana)

Colombia, which had already clinched a spot in the knockout round, eliminated Japan from the World Cup with a 4-1 victory.

Here are the match stats:

It was a valiant effort on the part of the Ivory Coast’s goalkeeper, but Samaras’s kick was just too quick to stop.

This is nuts!

Colombia goes up 4-1 against Japan courtesy of James Rodriguez to put the game out of reach.

Take a bow James Rodriguez! #COL https://t.co/qHAWjJQyRJ

— Max Bentley (@MaxBentley1) June 24, 2014

With the team up 3-1 against Japan, Colombia has sent in its 43-year-old backup goalie, Faryd Mondragon, who becomes the oldest player to play in the World Cup.

43-year-old GK Faryd Mondragon is coming on for #COL. He is the oldest player in WC history. He was on the ’94 squad pic.twitter.com/Or5o2HTbrr

— ESPN FC (@ESPNFC) June 24, 2014

Faryd Mondragon, who was in #COL’s 1994 WC squad, comes on to break Roger Milla’s record as the #WorldCup’s oldest player. He’s 43!

— Sky Sports Football (@SkyFootball) June 24, 2014

Gervinho, right, celebrates a goal with Wilfried Bony. (Georgi Licovski/EPA)

This is the Ivory Coast’s last substitution. Greece has also used all of theirs. There is less than 10 minutes to go. As the game stands now, the Ivory Coast would advance and Greece would not.

Jackson Martinez scores again for Colombia, now up 3-1 against Japan.

#VIDEO GOOOL de COLOMBIAAA!!! Jackson Martinez pone #COL 3 #JPN 1 a los 36min ST https://t.co/naMziQpMPv

— Luis Enrique Perez (@LuisEnriquePy) June 24, 2014

GOAL: #JPN 1-3 #COL Jackson Martinez calmly finishes past Kawashima to put the game out of reach #JPNCOL #WorldCup - http://t.co/95F8ixMJGw

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

Japan, down 3-1 with just over 10 minutes left in the match, will be eliminated from the World Cup if it draws or loses to Colombia.

Group C standings

Colombia 2-0-0, 6 points (plus-4 goal differential)

Ivory Coast 1-1-0, 3 points (0 goal differential)

Japan 0-1-1, 1 point (minus-1 goal differential)

Greece 0-1-1, 1 point (minus-3 goal differential)

(Gabriel Bouys/AFP/Getty Images)

The Ivorian superstar was replaced by Ismael Diomande. By trading a striker for a midfielder, it looks like they’re going to concentrate on holding Greece back, rather than going for another goal.

Greece will need to pull ahead once more to have a chance of advancing. This is their last substitution.

Wilfried Bony popped one by Greece’s substitute goalkeeper with an assist by the fancy footwork of Gervinho. If they can keep the 1-1 draw, the Ivorians will likely advance.

(Ueslei Marcelino/Reuters)

The Ivorian defense is flailing in the face of Greece’s offense, which has been surprisingly strong considering one of its most dominant forces, Kone, has been put out by an injury.

Japan’s Shinji Okazaki took a shot to the nose from Colombia’s Eder Alvarez Balanta, who was not called for a foul.

Okazaki takes one for the team. #JPN https://t.co/DGmdrQ0PVW

— World Soccer Talk (@worldsoccertalk) June 24, 2014

#JPNvsCOL | #Jpn 1-1 #Col |60’|Codazo de Balanta a Okazaki| http://t.co/0b17t8dT0C pic.twitter.com/4aahPtKd0j

— ÚN Deportes (@UNdeportes) June 24, 2014

The Ivorian had to sprint down the field to stop a breakaway Greek opportunity. It got a bit reckless. The resulting Greek free kick did not land in the net. The score remains 1-0, with Greece up.

Ismael Tiote exits and Wilfried Bon enters.

Jackson Martinez scores to put Colombia back in the lead. Surprisingly there was no dance celebration.

GOAL! 2-1 Jackson Martinez #COL https://t.co/obf7120mxG

— World Cup Vines (@VinesWorldCup) June 24, 2014

GOAL: #JPN 1-2 #COL Jackson Martinez puts Colombia back in the lead, firing into the lower corner #JPNCOL #WorldCup - http://t.co/95F8ixMJGw

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

(Georgi Licovski/EPA)

Who needs Kone or your first-string goalkeeper when you have substitute like Samaris? The 25-year-old capitalized to put one past Ivorian goalkeeper Boubacar Barry, who erred by ducking a little too low for the block.

Sheer adrenaline might be able to keep the team going, but with just one substitution left they might slow down due to tired legs.

The Ivory Coast, on the other hand, has three fresh substitutions left to use. Although with Didier Drogba already playing, it’s unclear who their star sub will be.

Here are the stats so far.

Japan dominated time of possession and number of shots and scored the equalizer shortly before the half ended to tie the match at 1.

Shinji Okazaki scores with a diving header right before the first half ends. We’re all tied up at one goal apiece.

#MundialBrasil2014 45’ Así fue el Gol de Shinji Okazaki (9 - Japón). #JPN 1 -1 #COL http://t.co/iYB5YrvbbX https://t.co/jdQiWqr3fm

— Notitarde (@webnotitarde) June 24, 2014

Despite being down two of their best players, Greek substitute Andreas Samaris managed to sail one past the Ivory Coast’s goalkeeper. The score is 1-0. If Greece can hold the lead, they will advance to the next stage of the tournament.

Japan is leading Colombia 11-2 in shots and 6-1 in shots on goal through 40 minutes of play but have no goals to show for it.

(Paul Hanna/Reuters)

Some might call it an impressive challenge, the referee, however, called it reckless and booked Didier Drogba, who is starting for Ivory Coast for the first time this World Cup, with a yellow card.

The crossbar saved the day for the Ivory Coast.

Panagiotis Glykos (Aris Messinis/AFP/Getty Images)

This is not good news for Greece right now. Karnezis is off and Panagiotis Glykos is on. With two substitutions already burned before the half-hour mark, Greece will be in a tough position at the half when they’ll only have one substitution remaining. 

The Ivory Coast has all three of its substitutions left.

(Fernando Llano/AP)

Things are not going Greece’s way today. The team’s goalkeeper, Orestis-Spyridon Karnezis, looks to be injured. The team’s physio has come out to help stretch him out, but the coach is readying the backup on the sidelines. For now, Karnezis will continue, however.

Juan Cuadrado scores from a penalty kick to help Colombia go up 1-0 against Japan in the 16th minute.

Juan Guillermo Cuadrado converts the penalty. http://t.co/eIQEhfcosQ

— Football Vines (@Vine_Football) June 24, 2014

GOAL: #JPN 0-1 #COL Juan @Cuadrado puts Colombia ahead from the penalty spot #JPNCOL #WorldCup #joinin - http://t.co/95F8ixMJGw

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

This is devastating for everyone’s eyeballs. And not just because Kone is easy on the eyes. He’s also arguably Greece’s best player, so he’s pretty fun to watch.

(Georgi Licovski/EPA)

Looks like things just got easier for the Ivory Coast.

Andreas Samaris took over for Kone.

Shinji Kagawa (Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

Japan’s star midfielder Shinji Kagawa, who was benched in the match against Greece, is back in the starting lineup.

From AP:

CUIABA, BRAZIL — Japan playmaker Shinji Kagawa has been recalled for his team’s must-win Group C match against already-qualified Colombia at the World Cup on Tuesday.

In the Asian champions’ only other change, Toshihiro Aoyama replaces fellow midfielder Hotaru Yamaguchi. Yuya Osako drops out for Kagawa, who started on the bench in Japan’s 0-0 draw against Greece last time out.

(Georgi Licovski/EPA)

Colombia has already clinched a spot in the knockout round and has all but clinched first place in the group. It only needs a draw with Japan, or a loss and an Ivory Coast loss or draw, to clinch the top spot in the group. The only way it can fall out of first place is with a blowout loss to Japan combined with a blowout win by the Ivory Coast over Greece, which is unlikely.

Ivory Coast will clinch a spot in the knockout round with a win over Greece, or a draw with Greece combined with a Colombia-Japan draw.

Japan will clinch a spot in the knockout round with a win over Colombia combined with an Ivory Coast loss to Greece. Japan will also move on with a win of at least two goals over Colombia combined with an Ivory Coast-Greece draw.

Greece will clinch a spot in the knockout round with a win over Ivory Coast combined with a Japan loss or draw against Colombia. Greece can also advance with a blowout win over Ivory Coast combined with a close Japan win over Colombia (for instance, it would advance with a 3-0 win over Ivory Coast combined with a 1-0 Japan win over Colombia, as it would win the goals-scored tiebreaker over Japan).

#GRE LINE-UP: Karnezis, Maniatis, Manolas, Samaras, Kone, Karagounis (c), Salpingidis, Torosidis, Lazaros, Sokratis, Cholevas #GRECIV

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#CIV LINE-UP: Barry, Boka, K Toure, Kalou, Tiote, Gervinho, Drogba (c), Aurier, Y Toure, Serey, Bamba #GRECIV #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#COL LINE-UP: Ospina (c), Arias, Armero, Cuadrado, Guarin, Mejia, Balanta, Ramos, Quintero, Martinez, Valdes #JPNCOL #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#JPN Line-up: Kawashima, Uchida, Honda, Nagatomo, Okazaki, Kagawa, Okubo, Aoyama, Konno, Hasebe (C), Yoshida #JPNCOL #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

Sorry, not this year Italy! (Yves Herman/Reuters)

With Italy’s very dramatic exit after losing to Uruguay and Spain’s ouster from its group after losing two matches, there are now no players left in the World Cup who have ever won the World Cup. That means the next hands to hold the World Cup trophy will be brand new, even if they’re Brazilian. No players from Brazil’s champion 2002 team are on its 2014 roster.

(H/t: USA Today)

NO SOY LUIS SUAREZ, HAY MUCHOS SUAREZ EN EL MUNDO, NO SOY LUIS SUAREZ POR FAVOR

— Diego Suarez (@Suarez) June 24, 2014

Nope, @suarez on Twitter is not Luis Suarez, noted biter of soccer players. Instead, the account belongs to a man who goes by Diego Suarez, who is facing a barrage of criticism for Luis Suarez’s latest antics. (The latter Suarez is being accused of biting yet another opponent, this time Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini.)

He did it again! @Suarez pic.twitter.com/H1tPAE7qKx

— Anne-Clothilde (@AnneClothilde1) June 24, 2014

Wrong Suarez.

@Suarez you don't deserve to be. Footballer at all…… What an useless player. I wonder the kinda training you are giving to ur children.

— DopeBoiRozay (@Hillykrozz) June 24, 2014

Not Luis Suarez.

@Suarez is a vampire… I hate him

— akahome sam (@bigsammie04) June 24, 2014

Still not the right Suarez.

Poor guy!

Bad dog!

Cesare Prandelli (Ettore Ferrari/EPA)

Well, that was fast. Azzurri’s Coach Cesare Prandelli had said he might resign if Italy did not advance out of the group round, but no one was expecting it to be so fast. The Italian Football Association President Giancarlo Abete confirmed the news and added that he hopes Prandelli will reconsider.

But then Abete also decided to resign. He said at a press conference via FIFA:

“I would like to announce my resignation. I do hope that at the forthcoming meeting of the board, they can persuade Cesare [Prandelli] to reconsider his position.”

Sounds like there’s going to be an even more awkward flight home now…

(Marko Djurica/Reuters)

You’d think ISIS, the Sunni insurgent group currently ensnared in activities in Iraq, would have better things to do than watch the World Cup. But hey, anything to antagonize the Shia state of Iran, right? The Washington Post’s Ishaan Tharoor writes:

“When Argentina’s Lionel Messi curled a sumptuous strike past the opposition goalkeeper deep in stoppage time during a match against Iran on Sunday, his nation heaved a sigh of relief. The Argentines are heavyweights and one of the top contenders to win the World Cup; the Iranians, on the other hand, are relative minnows who were deeply unlucky not to get something out of the game after a dogged, defensive display. Despite the loss, many proud Iranians took to the streets in celebration of their national team’s performance.

But in neighboring Iraq, another group also cheered. ISIS, the extremist militants who have seized a whole section of the country, tweeted the following message below, congratulating Messi on the goal and inviting him to ‘join the jihadist call.’ “

Methinks Messi will probably pass on that call. Read the whole story here.

I guess any part of the body is up for eating.

— Evander Holyfield (@holyfield) June 24, 2014

As you’ll recall, Holyfield was on the receiving end of a bite from Mike Tyson, who opted for his ear in 1997.

(Tony Gentile/Reuters)

Giorgio Chiellini, who was on the receiving end of the Luis Suarez bit incident, isn’t going to go back to Italy quietly. After the match, he blasted the Uruguayan and blamed FIFA for letting his antics slide. (Suarez has been suspended twice in the past for biting his opponents.)

“Suarez is a sneak and he gets away with it because FIFA want their stars to play in the World Cup. I’d love to see if they have the courage to use video evidence against him,” Chiellini told Sky Sport Italia after the match (via Football Italia).

Chiellini also called out the referee: “The referee saw the bite mark too, but he did nothing about it.”

[polldaddy poll=8144978]

Even though Uruguay’s Luis Suarez has chomped on an opponent before, he is the first to be accused of biting a man in the World Cup. Predictably, the Internet didn’t let this incident go unnoticed and Suarez and his big ol’ teeth have become the talk of social media and the bite, er, butt of some pretty great jokes.

Internet please just stop. pic.twitter.com/Tk1QEKWcGY

— Howler Magazine (@whatahowler) June 24, 2014

"I thought he was a tree" says Suarez pic.twitter.com/rGgCtzdCev

— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) June 24, 2014

Suarez needs this: pic.twitter.com/3XUubgqAwv

— World Cup 2014 (@WCbrasil2014_) June 24, 2014

BREAKING : Mike Tyson just sent a friend request to Luis Suárez on Facebook. #ITAvsURU #Suarez

— Mulayam Singh Yadav (@AapGhumaKeLeyLo) June 24, 2014

Hey @Snickers! Looks like you've got your new spokesman! #Suarez "You're not you when you're hungry!" #WorldCup2014 pic.twitter.com/dKSMP7i0bd

— Aaron Massey (@_AaronMassey) June 24, 2014

!!!!!!!! RT @DJGalloEtc: How Suarez sees every opponent's jersey: pic.twitter.com/RsLSEOw5Kk

— chris toronyi (@christoronyi) June 24, 2014

I don't know what Chiellini is on about, he looks fine to me. #Suarez pic.twitter.com/ie40ibC42Q

— Arsene's Eyes (@Arsenes_Eyes) June 24, 2014

Suarez should have to wear this the rest of the tournament. #WorldCupProblems pic.twitter.com/VXZO9vNhvd

— World Cup Problems (@WorIdCupProbs) June 24, 2014

1974: #ITA, #ESP and #ENG did not advance from the group stage. At least 1 of those teams had advanced in every other #WorldCup until now.

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) June 24, 2014

(EPA photo)

After 90-plus minutes of uneventful soccer, Costa Rica played to a scoreless draw with England and earned the Group D crown. The Ticos will play the second-place team from Group C (likely Ivory Coast, Japan or Greece) on Sunday in Recife. Group D runner-up Uruguay, a 1-0 winner over Italy in a strange, strange match, will face the Group C winner (likely Colombia) on Saturday in Rio de Janeiro.

Luis Suarez of Uruguay and Giorgio Chiellini of Italy react after the supposed biting incident. (Matthias Hangst/Getty Images)

YES. Let’s see, there were about three dozen flops, Italy got a red card, which put them down by one man, Luis Suarez probably bit someone, Uruguay’s captain Diego Godin scored the sole goal, Italy’s goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon came to the other side of the pitch to play offense and, at the very end, Uruguay’s coaching staff surrounded the timekeeper to furiously point at their watches to get him to blow the whistle.

Yowza.

Of course, stuff happened before the final few minutes, as well. Get the full recap here and view the complete stats of the match.

You know, if I or one of my fellow teammates just got bit, I’d probably be a little rattled, too. Uruguay’s Godin was able to get one past Buffon to make it 1-0. If this score holds, Uruguay will advance and Italy will not.

Seriously?! Seriously. And since the referee didn’t see it, he got away with it, despite Italian Giorgio Chiellini’s attempts to show the faint bite mark on his shoulder. This is insane.

And yes, this is super insane because Suarez has gotten in trouble for biting someone before. Here he is biting Branislav Ivanovic last year.

And there was another incident in 2010. Both times Suarez was suspended. He also earned the nickname “The Cannibal.” And for good reason. Take a look at a close-up of Chiellini’s shoulder, which we zoomed in on, but did not enhance.

(Tony Gentile/Reuters)

While nothing’s been confirmed yet, those sure do look like teeth marks there.

He bear-hugged Maxi Pereira. Come on, man. You know you can’t do that…

(Getty Images)

Steven Gerrard entered the game in the 73rd minute for England in what is likely his final major international appearance for England. The 34-year-old midfielder made his international debut for England in 2000 and is playing in his fourth World Cup. He has been the team’s captain for a good stretch of his career, including this year.

73: Roy Hodgson makes another change as Steven Gerrard comes on for @JackWilshere. It’s Gerrard’s 114th cap, one behind Becks #CRC 0-0 #ENG

— England (@england) June 24, 2014

As was happening earlier, the Italians keep going down. Theatrically. This is a pretty blatant attempt to soak up as much time from the clock as they strive for a draw against Uruguay. This time, it was Verratti who collapsed with what might, maybe, but probably not be a cramp. He was stretchered off in a melodramatic fashion. Motta came in in his place.

Uruguayan fans, as they should be, are sick of Italy’s antics.

Ciro Immobile (Matthias Hangst/Getty Images)

So, it looks like Italy is going to try now just to keep the score 0-0. A draw is enough to send them through. Immobile joins fellow attacker Balotelli on the bench as Antonio Cassano comes in.

A less talented goalkeeper would not have been able to stop that stinger from Suarez at just a few yards out.

Ouch.

Alvaro Pereira, who was playing with a concussion, finally gets to sit down. Cristian Stuani comes on in his place.

Costa Rica’s Giancarlo Gonzalez drew a yellow card in the 60th minute for a clumsy challenge on England’s Ross Barkley.

Claudio Marchisio put his boot over the top of the ball and dug his cleats into the shin of a Uruguayan player right in front of the referee. Super sloppy; super stupid. Italy is down to 10 men against a full Uruguayan team.

The last Italian player to get a red card in the World Cup was in 2006.

In the 55th minute, England’s Ross Barkley was booked for pulling on Cristian Gamboa’s shirt. Then, moments later, Adam Lallana picked up one of his own for a rough takedown.

Why Always Me, part 2. #ITAvsURU pic.twitter.com/WrLsjQRE30

— KICKTV (@KICKTV) June 24, 2014

Caceres went down for a while, as the referee stopped the play. No one was fouled, though, as it was clearly an accident.

The star attacker came out of the match after racking up a yellow card and getting hit in the head earlier. This may indicate that Italy’s coach is feeling optimistic that the team will squeeze through to the next round, or that Balotelli is not playing up to his level.

Marco Parolo, a midfielder, now plays in his place.

Nicolas Lodeiro exits and Maximiliano Pereira come on. This substitution doesn’t indicate a change in strategy, just an attempt to put fresh legs on the pitch.

Prince Harry is in the crowd to cheer on England during their final World Cup match http://t.co/0sAbcwvKCK #ENG #CRC pic.twitter.com/OI4BArltV2

— HuffPostUK Pictures (@HuffPostUKPics) June 24, 2014

#ITA struggling to move the ball forward. Just 1 touch in attacking penalty area, its fewest in a half this #WorldCup pic.twitter.com/xrua7VLACh

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) June 24, 2014

The two attackers haven’t had many attacks.

View the match’s complete stats so far here.

Martin Caceres. left, of Uruguay in action against Mario Balotelli of Italy. (Emilio Lavandeira Jr./EPA)

Both teams will have to pick it up during the next half, especially Uruguay, which needs to win to advance.

Italy, meanwhile, seems to have mounting issues. Firstly, Balotelli is having some disciplinary issues. He will need to keep his cool or he’ll risk ejection, as he already has been booked with a yellow card this match.

Italy also looks like it’s risking unnecessary yellow cards by taking ridiculous dives. Two players went down in the last minutes of stoppage time before the halftime break that, upon replay, look like total acts. Even ESPN commentators seem to be growing sick of it.

(Getty Images)

Costa Rica-England and Italy-Uruguay are both scoreless draws at halftime. If things stay like this after another 45 minutes, Costa Rica would win Group D and play Sunday in the round of 16 while Italy would finish second and play Saturday.

Italy’s Pirlo didn’t mean to, however, so it was not called. Suarez, however, is still playing it up, clutching his face around his famous teeth.

After a collision, the star Italian player remained on the ground for a couple of minute before getting up and heading to the sideline where he is now drinking water and holding his neck. It looks like he will return to the game, however.

Here’s the hit.

#WorldCup reGIF: Let’s take another look at the hit that took Italy’s Balotelli down http://t.co/HTUArjoc3T

— MashableLIVE (@MashableLive) June 24, 2014

Balotelli is back in the match.

Italian WAGs, aka the players’ wives and girlfriends, have made quite the splash at the Italy vs. Uruguay game. Some are even taking photos with fans. All are representing for their fiances and husbands.

Alena Seredova, wife of Gianluigi Buffon of Italy poses with a fan. (Claudio Villa/Getty Images)

Fanny Neguesha, center, fiancee of Italy’s Mario Balotelli, Federica Riccardi, right, girlfriend of Italy’s Alessio Cerci, and Valentina Baldini, top, girlfriend of Italy’s Andrea Pirlo, pose before the game. (Ettore Ferrari/EPA)

Genoveffa Darone, left, wife of Italy’s Lorenzo Insigne, and Jessica Immobile, right, wife of Italy’s Ciro Immobile, pose prior to the game. (Ettore Ferrari/EPA)

That means if Italy goes through, he will not be playing in the next match, as he was booked with a previous yellow card in Italy’s last match against Costa Rica. That could be a huge game changer. He got it for jumping a little too high for a header and knocked Pereira, who is already playing with a concussion, in the head. Yikes.

#CRC can become the 1st @CONCACAF nation to win all 3 of its group stage matches in a single #WorldCup if it defeats #ENG today.

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) June 24, 2014

For more on the CONCACAF uprising in Brazil, here’s The Post’s Rick Maese.

Hey @KingJames! Heard you’re opting out?? We’ve got a new team for you: The #USMNT! #LetsDoThis #OneNationOneTeam pic.twitter.com/I4Uj7O4b1x

— U.S. Soccer (@ussoccer) June 24, 2014

Defending World Cup champion Spain flamed out spectacularly in Brazil, and the weather gods let them know it on their flight home. From the Independent:

Spain’s soccer team, returning home after a wretched World Cup in Brazil where the holders were eliminated in the first round, had another shock on Tuesday when their aircraft was struck by lightning as it came in to land in Madrid.

The Iberia flight, which touched down at about midday local time (1000 GMT) in the Spanish capital, was hit by a bolt of lightning but there were no negative consequences for the aircraft or the passengers, a spokeswoman for the airline confirmed.

Remember that moment when Uruguay’s Alvaro Pereira collapsed in an unconscious heap on the pitch four days ago while playing England?

Indeed, Pereira got seemed to have sustained a concussion from that collision with an English knee. In fact, ESPN commentators said he was playing with a concussion, despite FIFA doctors clearing him. In any case, there he is, in Uruguay’s starting lineup today against Italy. Safety last…

(Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Clickhole, the satirical Buzzfeed-style site created by the same people who make The Onion, nailed a parody article entitled “Every Way The U.S. Can Advance In The World Cup.” (We wrote a non-parody version of that article here.) It specifically pokes fun at FIFA’s complicated tiebreaker rules. Here’s a snippet:

“U.S. loses to Germany, Ghana beats Portugal by 2 goals, Ghana remembers true meaning of sportsmanship: This scenario requires Ghana to realize that the U.S. men’s team worked really hard for this and then selflessly offer up their spot.”

“ U.S. loses to Germany by 46 goals, Ghana and Portugal draw: Believe it or not, the U.S. would advance if this happens.”

“U.S. loses to Germany, but Germany’s grandpa dies:  It’s a long shot, but if Germany’s grandpa dies suddenly and they have to miss the game in order to go to the funeral, then according to FIFA rules, the U.S. will advance to the next round uncontested.”

Read the entire, hilarious parody piece here.

(Reuters)

Of Tuesday’s group-stage action, this much is known: England won’t be playing in Brazil anymore after Tuesday’s game against Costa Rica, which is guaranteed to advance along with Colombia. The other five teams in action all can extend their World Cups with the correct result. Check out all the scenarios here.

Ciro Immobile (Antonio Calanni/AP)

Quite possibly. Because Ciro Immobile is really, really good. He led Serie A with 22 non-penalty goals for Torino before completing a transfer to Borussia Dortmund.Yet until now, Immobile (pronounced e-mobil-ay) has not started for Italy in this World Cup. In fact, he’s only played a total of 17 minutes.

That will change today when he will join fellow attacker Mario Balotelli as they attempt to keep up with the one-man force that is Uruguay’s Luis Suarez.

“Ciro Immobile is a modern forward who knows how to attack deep, move between the lines and has a feeling for the goal inside the area,” Prandelli said Monday (via the Associated Press). “He’s a forward who helps the squad.”

Italy is looking to either win or draw with Uruguay to advance to the next round from Group D.

#CRC LINE-UP: Navas, Gonzalez, Borges, Duarte, Campbell, Ruiz (c), Brenes, Diaz, Gamboa, Tejeda, Miller #CRCENG #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#ENG LINE-UP: Foster, Cahill, Wilshere, Lampard (c), Sturridge, Smalling, Jones, Milner, Lallana, Barkley, Shaw #CRCENG #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#URU LINE-UP: Muslera, Godin (c), Pereira, Rodriguez, Suarez, Gimenez, Lodeiro, Arevalo, Gonzalez, Cavani, Caceres #ITAURU #WorldCup #joinin

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

#ITA LINE-UP: Buffon (c), De Sciglio, Chiellini, Darmian, Marchisio, Balotelli, Barzagli, Immobile, Bonucci, Pirlo, Verratti #ITAURU

— FIFAWorldCup (@FIFAWorldCup) June 24, 2014

Stephen Colbert opened Monday night’s show with a monologue on U.S. soccer’s tie vs. Portugal and calls “a foul on futbol for using its hands to grab my heart.”

Tiger Woods is addressing the media ahead of the Quicken Loans National. The Post’s Isabelle Khurshudyan picked up this interesting nugget.

Woods said he watched more World Cup than US Open.

— Isabelle Khurshudyan (@ikhurshudyan) June 24, 2014

ESPN’s Jeremy Schaap is on the scene in Brazil with this important piece of U.S. soccer news:

US team keeping it light today, playing soccer tennis. By sound of it–we’re in another part of complex–they’re having a good time.

— Jeremy Schaap (@JeremySchaap) June 24, 2014

#Champions of today’s intense #USMNT soccer tennis tournament: @Jermainejunior @Brad_Davis11 @bguzan and @aronjo20 pic.twitter.com/tI21qPf7re

— U.S. Soccer (@ussoccer) June 24, 2014

Mexico, a team that wouldn’t have even been in the World Cup had the United States not scored an improbable victory over Panama in CONCACAF qualifying, is now through to the round of 16 after Monday’s win over Croatia. Leading the charge is Miguel Herrera, El Tri’s burly, excitable, formerly mulleted coach who has become an Internet sensation.

The Young mulletted Miguel Herrera >> pic.twitter.com/YOIe0JnoNr

— Football’s a Country (@FutbolsaCountry) June 23, 2014

(Dolores Ochoa/Associated Press)

SAO PAULO, Brazil — The U.S. men’s soccer team has zero interest in settling for a tie against Germany, Coach Jurgen Klinsmann said Tuesday, but the Americans will have to chase those final three points in World Cup group stage play without Jozy Altidore.

Klinsmann said his star striker will miss a second game, still nursing a hamstring injury suffered in the tournament opener against Ghana.

“Jozy’s recovering really well. He’s doing a tremendous job,” Klinsmann said at a news conference prior to the team’s practice session Tuesday. “Our medical staff is on top of it. This game comes too early for him.”

Klinsmann said he’s hopeful Altidore will be available later in the tournament. But that won’t even matter if the United States can’t clinch a sport in the round of 16 on Thursday. The American squad needs at least a tie against Germany to advance. In some scenarios, they could lose Thursday’s match and still move on. Klinsmann said his squad has no intentions of leaving its World Cup fate to chance, though.

“We’re gonna play this game to win it,” Klinsmann said. “We are not made for going to a game to go for a tie. It’s just not in our DNA.”

A barely recognizable Rex Ryan looking great decked out in #USA gear! #Jets pic.twitter.com/GiND26cEwh

— Melanie Collins (@Melanie_Collins) June 22, 2014